Recently, a friend told me about feeling increased anxiety. She had had a kidney transplant over 20 years ago, but, now in her 60s, she finds herself getting very upset with any new physical symptom.

I could immediately relate to her because, now a year after my ovarian cancer diagnosis, I am hyper conscious of any new pain, stomach upset, or headache. The slightest new symptom unleashes the fear that a shoe has dropped and the cancer tumors have begun to grow again.

Most people I know in their 60s also have differing physical conditions – arthritis, difficulty with night vision, memory… the list is long. Yet, once having a serious and life-threatening condition, the stakes suddenly become extremely high.

Defining Moments of Vulnerability

For me, the sense of vulnerability extends beyond worrying about physical conditions – to other aspects of my life. I suddenly become nervous about things that I never worried about in the past, such as taking my dogs for a walk.

I find myself worrying, “What if another dog is loose and attacks us?” I wonder whether I will be capable of doing anything about it.

While I do not think my friend or I have full-blown PTSD, we do have increased anxiety, and I’m sure many other women feel the same way.

By age 60 most of us have suffered at least one, if not more, devastating or traumatic life experiences: the loss of a loved one, divorce, and/or a serious life-threatening disease. Not to mention that aging in itself may bring forth a feeling of vulnerability.

So, I decided to investigate PTSD.

On the cancer.net website I found information on PTSD in cancer survivors stating that feelings of anxiety and dread are a normal reaction to cancer. I contend that these feelings of worry and fear are normal for everyone who has had traumatic experiences in their lives.

Cancer.net describes the PTSD symptoms as being different in different people. For some it can include nightmares, flashbacks, and strong emotions of hopelessness, guilt, or shame. For others it manifests in anger and/or fear.

People with PTSD might lose interest in relationships and avoid going out or to places that bring back frightening memories. Others shut down emotionally or start numbing those feelings with drugs or alcohol. The recommended treatment for PTSD is therapy, medication, and support groups.

7 Tips for Addressing Feelings of Vulnerability

For those of us who feel vulnerable or anxious, but do not feel our situation rises to the level of a diagnosed case of PTSD, here are some tips I have found that can help.

Accepting the Vulnerable Feelings

The feelings of vulnerability are normal, and we should not beat ourselves up about them. As stated above, these are natural reactions and that very realization can calm us.

Meditation, Yoga, Exercise, and Mental Stimulation

Meditation and yoga relax us and can connect us to a deeper sense of spirituality. Exercise keeps our body healthy, energizes us, and makes us strong.

Keeping our minds sharp and stimulated is motivating and invigorating. Mental stimulation can come from studying a language, reading, writing, and playing games like scrabble, mahjong, and chess.

Maintaining a Sense of Purpose

Staying connected with our personal life mission and values, whether it has to do with relationships, community involvement, social justice, or religion. That sense of purpose gives meaning to our lives.

Reaching Out to Close Ones for Support and Help

Talking with friends and family helps us feel connected and reminds us that we are not alone. Sometimes we need to ask for help (to drive us somewhere at night or walk the dogs with us). It can be hard to ask, but often we find that our loved ones are happy to help.

Helping Others

Being of service also gives meaning to our lives and takes our focus away from our problems.

Doing Something Fun Every Day

Trying to find joy in our lives and regularly do things that give us pleasure will bring daily moments of happiness. For each of us fun comes in different ways. It can include things such as cooking, gardening, nature trailing, reading, travel, sharing a meal with friends, and more.

Not Allowing Fearful Thoughts to Invade Our Sleepless Minds

The dark of night is the time when we often ponder the huge unsolvable problems in our lives. By saying that we will think about our problems in the morning and banishing them from our minds we can keep feelings of panic at bay.

If none of these things seem to help, therapy and support groups, and in some cases medication, are always an option. The main thing is not to be hard on ourselves or become isolated in the process.

In any event, we need not feel embarrassed or ashamed to address our vulnerabilities, nor should we treat these feelings as inevitable or as our “new normal.”

What have you found to help when feelings of worry, anxiety, or vulnerability rear their ugly heads? Do you have any tips that work especially well for you? Please share them in the comments below!

Lisa Rinna’s Tuxedo Jumpsuit on Instagram

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Instagram Fashion

Lisa Rinna’s tuxedo jumpsuit at the Women’s Cancer Research Fund event was a great look for a great cause. Breast Cancer is effecting more and more people I know and the program “mobilizes the influential entertainment community to raise critical funds for breast cancer research”. And since as BBH readers we know just how influential Lisa Rinna can be on where we spend our money, we think they made a genius choice by putting her on the guest list.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Alexander Wang Jumpsuit

Photo: @LisaRinna

Originally posted at: Lisa Rinna’s Tuxedo Jumpsuit

Kyle Richards’ Black Bow Dress on Instagram

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Instagram Fashion 2020

Between the oversized shoulder bow and sleek one-shoulder style, Kyle Richards’ black bow dress by a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills-beloved designer (nope, not Alexandre Vauthier) that she wore to a gala over the weekend was super chic. Now if only Bravo could present us with the gift of the RHOBH Season 10 trailer wrapped up in a pretty bow right now as well, that would be really great.

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Alex Perry Dress

Photo & Info: @KyleRichards18

Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Black Bow Dress

In today’s media obsessed culture, we are constantly bombarded by images of women who have more than us. We are told, either directly or subliminally, that these other people are more beautiful, intelligent, interesting or happier than us.

Of course, this is an illusion. We only see the side of celebrities that someone else wants us to see. And, usually, this “someone else” is trying to sell us something.

As Social Animals, We Want to Compare Ourselves to Others

This is natural. But, as we have discussed before, just because something comes naturally does not mean that it will make us happy. If we want to be more positive, we must learn to turn our gaze inward and compare ourselves to the only person that counts – ourselves.

Have you ever felt discouraged that you cannot live up to the expectations of others? Perhaps you long ago learned to stop comparing yourself to celebrities. But, how about your friends, family and acquaintances? How do you define success in your life?

Comparing Ourselves to Others is Not Only Unproductive, it is Unfair

Why? Because the people that we compare ourselves to are just an illusion. On the surface, they look calm, but, underneath they have the same concerns, worries and insecurities as the rest of us. In the case of celebrities, the gap between perception and reality is even wider.

In fact, celebrities often struggle with the contradiction between how they are supposed to look and act and how they really feel. Because they are always in the spotlight, they often have moments of despair that the rest of us cannot even imagine.

Comparing Yourself to Others is a Waste of Time

Isn’t it time to start measuring our lives against our own goals, passions and timelines? Have you ever thought that someone you knew had a “perfect life” only to find out that they were hiding their problems from the world? Who do you compare yourself to today?

Like so many aspects of happiness, learning to stop comparing ourselves to others is a conscious process. It does not come naturally. The good news is that, with a little practice, every single one of us can learn to be the measure of our own lives. Let’s explore a few ways to make this happen.

Focus on What You Can Control

Letting go of external comparisons is easier when we focus own internal goals, passions and plans. Becoming the measure of your own life is a long process, but, it starts with some very simple questions. What are you passionate about? This is a difficult question for many people. But, it is an essential question from the perspective of happiness.

Some of us have lived in the shadow of other people’s expectations for so long that we have forgotten what we really care about. What are you good at? Since we are abandoning external comparisons, it might be easier to think about this question in terms of what you love to do.

What do you want to accomplish? This question is important because if gives direction and form to our passions. Happiness comes naturally when we accomplish something that is important to us.

As you develop our own internal passions and goals, learn to recognize when you start to slip back into external comparisons. If you believe what you see on TV, there are probably only 30 women in the world over 60 years old who can be described as “beautiful”, “sexy” and “vibrant” older women.

Be an active media consumer. Most of the time, external comparisons are sales pitches in disguise. So, ask yourself, “What is this person trying to sell me?” Sometimes it won’t be a product, per say. Politicians, friends and family are also sources of external comparisons.

Let’s take a look at one comparison that most women encounter – “anti-aging”. Every year, women over 60 spend billions of dollars on anti-aging creams and treatments. Anti-aging products are based on external comparisons. They say that if we look younger, we will feel better.

In reality, the opposite is true. We feel better, when we reject external comparisons and focus on our passions. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel beautiful. But, we should do so on our own terms.

What are you passionate about? What are you good at? What do you want to accomplish? At the end of the day, these are the only questions that really count when it comes to happiness.

None of these questions requires us to compare ourselves to others. On the contrary, they ask us to look inside ourselves and discover our own values and dreams. When we are ready to be the measure of our own lives, we are ready to be happy.

Take Action to Find Happiness and Positivity in Life After 60

Write down one thing that you are passionate about and one thing that you want to learn this year. Now write down one action that you will take today to accomplish each.

What unfair comparison do you think hurts women our age the most? What is the thing that you love most about yourself? Please join the conversation.