Author: Admin01

It’s not what you think it is…

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By the time we get to our 60s, there have probably been many ‘What If’ moments. Some may have had little or no impact on our lives, others may have changed the whole course of it.

What If… You Misunderstood?

Although we go through life in one body, we mature, learn, gain wisdom and grow emotionally. So why is it that many of us hold on to negative things that happened when we were young? The teacher who said we would get nowhere. The parent who told us we were lazy. The sibling that made us feel stupid. 

Often what was said or done was not meant as we interpreted it, we may simply have misunderstood. Or maybe it was just a throw away comment that stayed with us. Perhaps it was said to make us work harder, be more responsible, or just in sibling rivalry. And yet here we are decades later still hanging on to it for dear life and, worse still, believing it!

What good is it doing? The person who said or did something, has probably long forgotten… but we didn’t. 

Let it go. 

A good way to get rid of it is to do something tangible. Perhaps write it on a balloon and pop it, jot it down on a piece of paper and rip it up or burn it, write it in the sand and watch the waves erase it. It can be very empowering! What if… you didn’t have to carry it any more?

What If… You Could Change the Past?

We all have a lengthy past by the time we reach our 60s. Hopefully many of the things that have happened will have been good, but the very nature of life is that it will include some which are not. Obviously, we cannot change when people die, but we could have changed who we married, or divorced. We could have changed the number of children, or none at all. We could have picked another career, or studied harder. We may have even chosen to live in another country.

But… all the things that we have chosen have helped make us who we are today. Perhaps your divorce has made you more confident, understand relationships, and be empathetic. Or staying in your home country meant you could care and support your elderly parents. Perhaps, if you had taken that other career route, things might not be as good as they are now. We can’t rewind.

We cannot change the actual events of the past themselves, but we can change our perception of them. Life is never perfect, and we don’t ever get to see what might have been. What we have is now and all the adventures and memories that are made up of our experiences so far. Though, of course, we would like our life to always be happy and carefree I, for one, am grateful for everything my past has taught me. I am who I am today because of it. What if… you lived in the present?

What If… You Let the Hurt Go?

Pain and hurt can stay with us a lifetime. It can affect who we are, what we do, how we live. The pain can be anything including loss, grief, sadness, regret, guilt, shame. Every day it can wear away at our happiness, grind us down. It is exhausting. Letting go of hurt leaves lots of space in your mind, and heart, for things that are more beneficial.

When we hang on to hurt, the only person we are hurting is ourselves. If the pain was caused by someone else, they could be having the best day of their lives, while we are at home suffering. Maybe it is time to let it go. Forgive others for past hurt, but most importantly, forgive ourselves. We are not perfect; all we can do is try our best and learn from any mistakes we have made. What if … your heart was lighter?

What If… You could Write Your Future?

Imagine a future where you are happy, positive and looking forward to each new day. Imagine waking up with a smile, grateful, excited, and glad to be alive. I know that life is not easy. I know as we age things can be tough… losing loved ones, health concerns, financial worries, loss of independence. But these are issues faced by most of us, and some of the happiest people I have met are those who accept the challenges with a smile, and take each day as it comes.

We are here. We are alive when many people did not make it this far. For this I am extremely thankful. And though there are things that happen to me that I would prefer not, I would rather face the challenges than not be here.

So I try to find time in my day for things that make me happy. It can be as simple as a morning cup of tea in the garden listening to the birds, or a walk along the beach. I try not to dwell on past negative events, and don’t look too far ahead. I have let go of most of my hurt and forgiven those who have caused pain, including myself. My future looks promising.

What if… you wrote your own future?

Let’s Start a Conversation:

Did you hold on to something that happened as a child? What was the best thing you learned from a past event? How would you like your future to unfold?

I still remember walking my daughter down the aisle – heart pounding, tears threatening, and… “Why did I wear this?” Two days later, scrolling through wedding photos, I did that thing we all do: zoomed in on myself. Not the radiant bride, not the smiling family – me. And the only thought louder than “How beautiful was the ceremony?” was, “What was I thinking with that jacket?”

Welcome to the next episode of Fashion Regret Theater: Special Occasions Edition. Or “How Come I Didn’t Plan Better?”

The Great Wedding Wardrobe Quest

Let me back up. I tried. I really tried.

I scoured racks. I ordered dresses online and returned most of them faster than you can say “final sale.” I danced in reversible jackets (adorable – but only if you’re under 5’3″ or wear pants with dramatic flair). I flirted with boho maxis, tried on silks that screamed “Mother of the Groom in 1989,” and even slipped into a daring tiered blue number… until a glimpse of the side view made me ask, “Who’s pregnant?” Spoiler alert: not me.

After weeks of trying to become someone else’s vision of festive elegance, I defaulted to what I always wear: sleek black dress, interesting jacket, trusty boots. Because after all, my daughter’s only request was simple: “Mom, dress like you always do.”

I thought I did. But somewhere between confidence and comparison, I lost my way.

The Self-Inflicted Fashion Police

And so, I spent the weekend doing what women are world-class experts at: silently critiquing ourselves in the middle of big, beautiful moments.

• Should’ve hunted down more outfits.
• Why didn’t I find that perfect jacket?
• Were these really the right boots?

Meanwhile, I was surrounded by love, joy, great music and people I love, and I was worried about my shoes? If there were an Olympic event for focusing on the wrong thing, I’d podium. Gold, baby.

What I See Now (Besides the Dress)

In the days after the holy matrimony, something shifted. Maybe it was looking at the photos for the eighth or ninth time. Maybe it was the moment my daughter sent the photographer’s proofs and texted, “You looked beautiful, Mom.” Or maybe it was that subtle, unshakable truth whispering, “It was never about the dress.”

Here’s what I’ve come to understand:

It Was Her Day, Not Mine

My daughter’s smile outshone everything. Her joy filled the room. I was lucky just to be standing beside her.

No Outfit Beats Presence

I showed up. I laughed, I hugged, I cried. I was fully there. And no outfit – no matter how expensive or in vogue – can replace that.

Style Isn’t a Costume

The real question isn’t, “Did I wear the perfect dress?” It’s, “Did I feel like me?” And if the answer is “not quite,” then the work ahead isn’t about clothes. It’s about letting go of who we think we should be and embracing who we are.

Takeaways for Your Next “Big Day” (or Everyday)

Identify Your Signature Style

Not what’s trending. Not what your neighbor wore to her cousin’s bat mitzvah. What makes you feel strong, relaxed, radiant? Start there.

Set Realistic Expectations

You’re juggling life, family, maybe some hot flashes and a to-do list longer than your arm. No one expects you to emerge in full Met Gala couture. Just aim for you, elevated.

Focus on the Feeling, Not the Fit

Will you remember the silhouette of your jacket – or the warmth of hugging your child as they step into a new life?

The Surprise Ending? A New Wardrobe

Here’s the funny part: The wardrobe quest didn’t end when the music stopped, and the cake was eaten, and she took her bouquet home.

Something woke up in me. After years of style autopilot (black on black with a touch of black), I started shopping again – more purposefully with curiosity. I didn’t find the outfit for the wedding, but I found something better: a cute sundress, a great jacket, pants that fit, and – gasp! Not one, but two blouses that weren’t black.

Weeks after the wedding, the weather got warmer and, as I trepidatiously approached my closet, it was different, welcoming. The clothes hanging in a row were punctuated by splashes of color. New choices. A little joy. And a glimmer of satisfaction that I am still evolving.

What’s Next?

I’m retiring from fashion regret. I’m giving myself a break. I’m wearing what I love – and loving what I wear. I’m ditching the idea that one dress can make or break a moment and embracing the truth that the best accessory is always presence.

Here’s to showing up as ourselves, finding joy in the journey, and dancing down the aisle of life – in boots, jackets, or whatever makes you feel you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What was the most recent event you attended? How did you pick your outfit? Did you end up having outfit regrets?

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Originally posted at: Michelle Lally’s White Crop Top and Black Athletic Skirt