Dating over 60 is brave.
Tender.
Hopeful.
And yet – sometimes the hardest part isn’t the men.
It’s the people sitting across from you at lunch, clutching their wine glasses, nodding sympathetically while inadvertently dragging your love life into the gutter.
We’re going there.
If you’re dating over 60, or even considering it, your friends – and your kids – are absolutely influencing how you feel, how you choose, and how long you stay stuck.
Sometimes in supportive ways. Sometimes… not so much.
When Women Undermine Other Women (Without Meaning To)
I call it misery poker.
You know the game.
You share something hopeful:
“He seems kind, consistent, like a good guy.”
And instead of curiosity or encouragement, someone raises you:
- “Well, my friend dated a guy like that, and he turned out to be emotionally unavailable.”
- “Men our age don’t really change.”
- “Just don’t get your hopes up.”
Suddenly, the table is full of cautionary tales. Everyone’s ante-ing up with disappointment. And optimism is the first thing to fold.
I have no doubt your friends love you. They’re not trying to sabotage you. They’re just letting off their own steam, trying to process their own pain, and recruiting you into emotional solidarity.
If you succeed, what does it say about them? Misery loves company is a cliche for a reason.
But when women repeatedly undermine other women’s hope, it creates a quiet agreement:
“Let’s not want too much.”
And that agreement will cost you at just the time of life that ALL your focus should be on what YOU want (finally).
The Danger of Outsourcing Your Dating Intuition
When you’re dating over 60, it can feel comforting to run everything by your girlfriends.
It’s even fun to send pics of a text thread and go through the play-by-play with your nearest and dearest in an attempt to understand what your potential suitors might be thinking.
But here’s the coaching truth:
Your friends can’t (and shouldn’t) make YOUR decisions. Your friends are not in your body.
They don’t feel your nervous system. They don’t experience your chemistry. They don’t know which compromises feel workable to you.
This is the time of your life when you should be honing your own intuition about your 3H needs vs outsourcing it to anyone who might be more comfortable if you stay single.
Take a moment to consider where your friends might be coming from when they fill your head with horror stories, warnings, and general negativity about men or dating, and then decide if you want to “go down” with them.
If you decide to stay on “Team Hope” you have two choices: get your friends on board with a clear request or hang out with different people. (This is why I have group coaching with Master the Art of Love.)
In group coaching, women learn how to:
- Support each other without projecting
- Speak honestly without undermining hope
- Normalize fears without amplifying them
- Celebrate wins without jealousy
- Call each other forward – to honor our ideals
And Then There Are Your Kids…
Ah yes. The adult children. Hopefully, yours are loving and well-meaning, but it doesn’t make things less complex when new love comes on the scene.
When you start dating over 60, your kids may react in surprising ways.
Some feel competitive:
“I’ve been your main emotional support. Where do I fit now?”
Some feel possessive:
“I don’t want to share you.”
Some feel wary:
“I don’t want you hurt again.”
“What if HE spends my inheritance?”
And some feel uncomfortable with the idea that you’re still a sexual, desiring woman.
(That one doesn’t get said out loud, but it’s there.)
So they ask pointed questions. They raise eyebrows. They offer “concern.” And suddenly, you’re managing their feelings instead of honoring your own.
I think the thing children need most, even adult children, is to see you happy. Subconsciously, it teaches them that happiness, into old age, is possible for them too. So they may try to convince you (and themselves) they’d be happier for you to avoid risk, but the truth is, everyone would be happier if you found a partner and healthy love.
Your kids don’t need to approve of your dating life, but it sure would be nice to have their support. And since you can’t choose new kids, this challenge requires a frank conversation about your vision for your future and how love and your relationship with them fit into it.
Modeling self-determination and joy as you age is not selfish; it’s probably the greatest gift you can give them.
Women Can Be Powerful Allies in Love
From my experience coaching groups of women together, they can also be extraordinary forces for good in dating.
The right girlfriends:
- Celebrate your courage
- Ask thoughtful questions instead of planting doubt
- Help you slow down so you can assess your 3H criteria soberly.
- Care about your safety and your happiness
Healthy female support sounds like:
- “How do you feel with him?”
- “What are you learning about yourself?”
- “Does this align with what you said you wanted?”
Not:
- “Men are terrible.”
- “You’re probably settling.”
- “Don’t get excited.”
The difference may seem subtle, but it’s profound.
Dating over 60 already can feel a bit lonely as you search for the right places to find eligible people with your interests, or dare to go into the uncharted territory of online dating.
So if you want to feel less alone and more grounded and have more fun, you will pay attention to surrounding yourself with hopeful, positive voices. Veer towards those who make you feel more excited to date and away from those who build your fears. It’s simple to figure out…
A Question to Ask Yourself
Before you share your dating life, ask yourself:
“Is this person invested in my growth or in keeping me company in disappointment?”
And before you take advice, ask:
“Does this expand me or shrink me?” Do you admire how this person approaches love and/or dating?
You can control what you share with whom and who you let whisper in your ear.
Here’s me whispering: love has no expiration date. Now is the best possible time for you to muster up all your courage and hope and go for it.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Can you count on your girlfriends to support your dating life? Have you experienced a situation where adult children or girlfriends ruined a possible relationship?
