Personal growth is great and is something that I want to continue doing for the rest of my life. I mean, who wants to become stagnant and stop growing? Have you heard the saying, ‘use it or lose it’? Well, that isn’t just geared towards our muscles; it’s also true of our wonderful brains. Just like our physical muscles, our mindset requires conscious practice to maintain and grow.

Our brain is not wired to keep us happy; it’s wired to keep us safe, to survive, to stay alive. If you aren’t actively training your mind to grow, your brain scraps those new connections and defaults right back to survival mode.

Now, as much as I want to continue growing – I expect many of you do too, and of course it sounds wonderful in theory – but what is often overlooked is that sometimes personal growth can also be uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable because, along with growth, inevitably some things can change.

Relationships Might Change

You might have been a people pleaser or that person who never says no, despite it eating into your own time, energy and wellbeing.

Growing might mean you start putting your best resource first – you! And so, you learn to say no, implement healthy boundaries, stop people pleasing and start to shift your priorities.

And sometimes not everyone is comfortable with that, and that’s okay. Not everyone will grow in the same direction or at the same pace.

Feeling Alone

You might also start to feel a little more alone or that you don’t fit into your old circles anymore. You are no longer interested in small talk, negativity or idle gossip.

It’s hard when this happens and it can be that awkward in-between stage. However, you can always meet like-minded people by getting yourself out to classes or events that align with your newfound growth. What’s going on in your area that aligns with your interests or goals?

You Are Less Likely to Settle

You now know what you want, and this is a good thing. But some might see that as being difficult or set in your ways. All it means is that you have decided what is important to you and what standards you wish to stick to. If something isn’t right for you or isn’t working, you’re less likely to go for it or stick around.

This might be in relation to work you want to pursue, relationships, friendships or how you spend your time. There’s a difference between compromising and settling for something that doesn’t serve you anymore, and there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries, goals, expectations or standards for your life. In fact, it’s super healthy.

It’s important to note that growth doesn’t solve everything. There will still be days when you are tested, when you doubt yourself, get angry, frustrated or feel you are slipping back into old ways.

The important thing to remember is that this is also normal. We are only human. We can still have bad days and we can still make mistakes. In those moments, remember how far you have come and be kind to yourself.

Emotions are natural and we can’t all be super ‘Zen’ all the time. So don’t beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself.

My Process of Growth

I’m currently in a process of growth and noticing how things are slowly changing around me. In one sense, it’s sad because it’s a different way of living, and along with that, how I interact with some people is also changing, as I’m not into the same things and vice versa.

So, the life I once knew is slowly transitioning.

And on one hand, that can feel a little unsettling at times. On the other hand, I am also learning to accept that the one constant is change, and that relationships or situations can’t last forever, and definitely not in the same capacity as they once did.

And that’s fine.

If any of this resonates with you and you’re feeling stuck, at a crossroads, or simply ready for a change, I offer complimentary Discovery Calls.

Sometimes it helps to have a conversation with someone outside of your situation. Someone who can listen, ask the right questions and help you explore what comes next.

Question for You:

Have you experienced any unexpected downsides to personal growth? Perhaps you’ve found yourself setting new boundaries, outgrowing old habits, or feeling a little disconnected from people and situations that once felt familiar. I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.

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You know that quote floating around the internet – the one that says “Grow old with someone who makes you feel young.”

Well, I’m not just growing old with someone who makes me feel young… I somehow landed a man who makes me feel like I should a helmet and a permission slip.

Over two years ago, I met this great man. And listen – nobody was more shocked than me to discover there was still a decent one left roaming the earth. I half expected him to glitch like a hologram or disappear into a puff of smoke. But nope. He stayed. And from day one, we’ve been having fun like two teenagers who found the keys to the family minivan.

And here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be a “fun activity.” We don’t need ziplining, jet skis, or a curated Instagram moment. We can be running errands – boring errands – and still manage to turn it into a whole spectacle.

Case in Point: Lowe’s

Picture Lowe’s. Two grown adults. Two oversized lumber carts stacked with wood. One innocent aisle.

I start running and pushing my cart like I’m training for the Lumber Olympics, and without missing a beat, this man – this respectable, responsible, fully grown man – starts racing me. No hesitation. No “people are watching.” No “the kids are embarrassed.” Just pure, unfiltered silliness.

And if you think that was our peak chaos moment, allow me to introduce

Exhibit B: Sandals

Last year, we went on vacation and somehow – somehow – ended up in the resort’s newlywed game. And by “ended up,” I mean I was leaping out of my seat like a Price Is Right contestant who just heard her name. Hands waving. Eyes sparkling. Zero shame. I was getting on that stage one way or another.

And we did. And we won. And we laughed so hard I’m pretty sure the staff considered checking our IDs to confirm we were, in fact, adults.

Being Silly Isn’t Bound to Romance

But you don’t need a romantic love to be silly with, be silly with your girlfriends. Because let me tell you – there is nothing like being at a restaurant with my crew, laughing so obnoxiously loud that even the 20‑somethings are staring at us like, “Ma’am… how are y’all having THAT much fun on a Tuesday?”

Growing older with a supportive friend group is just as magical. Just as joyful. Just as life‑giving.

And while our bodies may be getting a little older, our spirits? Oh, honey – they’re more youthful than ever. Because we’re less inhibited now. Less worried about judgment. Less concerned with fitting into anyone’s expectations.

We laugh louder. We love harder. We show up fully. And we don’t apologize for any of it.

Sure, we move a little slower these days. Sure, we go to bed earlier than we used to. Sure, we might need to pop an ibuprofen like it’s a pregame ritual so we aren’t hobbling around the next day.

But fun? Silliness? Joy? Oh, honey – those are always on the menu.

Growing Older vs. Growing Boring

Now, let’s be honest: this growing older thing can sometimes be for the birds. More doctor’s appointments. More aches and pains. Slower getting the proverbial engine going in the morning. And all that jazz.

But growing older doesn’t mean growing boring. It means you’ve earned the right to laugh loudly, love deeply, and race your partner down the aisle of a home improvement store like the absolute menaces you are.

And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because if this is what “getting older” looks like… then go ahead and sign me up for the senior discount. I’ll be the one in aisle 12, racing my man with a cart full of lumber, a bottle of ibuprofen in my purse, my girlfriends cheering from the sidelines, and zero shame.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Who are you growing old with? Do these people help you find joy every day? What silly things have you done with your crew?

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A few years ago, my writing partner, Lillie Evans, and I were notified that our full-length play script, Grandmothers, Incorporated won a playwriting competition. Our work was selected from over 600 submissions from 33 countries. Nobody could tell us that we weren’t hot stuff. We were ecstatic, on top of the world. We were also reluctant to tell people the name of the contest we won. It’s called the Old Lady Project.

To Be or Not to Be – Old

We knew the name of the contest when we entered it, but the fact that the competition called for play scripts featuring female-identifying characters ages 50 and up overrode any reservations we might have had about the title. You see, in the world of television and film, good roles are hard to find for seasoned actresses. Women over the age of 50 are considered “old,” over the hill.

According to a 2020 study published by the Geena Davis Institute, a nonprofit organization that analyzes media representation, only one in four of all television and film characters are women ages 50 or older. Theatrical roles account for a mere 15-20%. Too often, roles for women of this age are marginal or stereotypical. But, as writers in this age range, we decided that this wasn’t going to happen, not on our watch!

As authors and playwrights, Lillie and I created the Grandmothers, Incorporated cozy book series about three crime fighting widows in their 60s. Our characters are smart, funny, clever, and resilient. These women are like us, our friends and family members. They’re probably like people you know. Our creative efforts have resulted in our lively characters being featured in four published novels, and three award-winning plays – one of which appeared Off Broadway.

Recently, we co-wrote and produced The Funeral, a short comedic film, based on our first Grandmothers, Incorporated novel. Everyone involved in that production was ages 60 to 80. We’ve been touting how fabulous women 60 and over are for years. The word “old” was never a consideration.

What’s in a Word

The Old Lady Project was launched as a competition in 2022 by the city of Evanston, Illinois, located not far from Chicago. I’ve often wondered why such a negative sounding label was put on such a worthwhile venture.

In youth-obsessed America, calling someone old could lead to a fight. Being “old” is too often associated with the idea of being wrinkled, decrepit, washed up, and even useless. The dictionary defines “old” as “having lived for a long time, belonging to the past, and being of a specific age,” although it doesn’t say exactly what age defines one as being “old.” Isn’t that interesting?

It’s Time for a Reset

I don’t like the way people use the word “old,” especially when describing women. Until the negative perception about the word changes, if ever, I’ve decided that I’m incorporating another word in my vocabulary when referring to myself. I’m calling myself a Queenager.

I first heard the word when award-winning producer and director Lisa Maydwell came to my house for a meeting. Lisa, who is in her 60s and launched her successful film career in her 50s, brought her mother with her to the meeting. Her mother was a beautiful woman, whose age I couldn’t begin to guess. As we talked, I heard her refer to herself as a Queenager, and I was immediately intrigued.

Looking up the word, I found that it is a contemporary term, coined by Eleanor Mills, a British journalist. Defined, “a Queenager is a term for a confident, active, and independent woman in midlife (typically in her 40s to 60s) who is stepping into a new phase of empowerment, financial freedom, and self-discovery. The word blends “queen” (maturity and authority) with “teenager” (youthful energy and curiosity).”

I love it! The word describes everything I am and have been for quite some time. I consider aging a privilege. The years have brought me wisdom and peace of mind. I know that there are other words that I could use, less triggering, to describe myself at this stage in my life. But I like the word Queenager. For me, it’s time to bring in the new and toss out the “old”!

Your Turn:

What about you? What do you think about the word Queenager? Do you see yourself as one?

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