Author: Admin01

Is he becoming king sooner than we thought?

My aging parents live in their own home and are managing their day-to-day activities and financial affairs with admirable fervor and zest.

I see them every few months, and we talk regularly on the phone. They acknowledge things are changing.

As a daughter, a CFP professional, and financial life strategist, I know the ‘talk’ is not a one-and-done. It also can’t start with a discussion about dollars. The financial talk will bloom from cultivating the soil of self-awareness, trust, respect, and team work.

It is healthy monetary mindsets and the willingness to make constant course corrections that will ease the financial transition into and through elderhood. Here are four tips I have found helpful both with my own aging parents and thinking forward as a parent myself.

#1 Recognize and Wrestle with Your Own Emotions

Talking about aging and money is emotionally charged. Reflect on how you feel about having these conversations, understanding that all emotions are valid, and often – negative.

It is ok to be nervous, angry, sad, frustrated. With a prepared awareness, the negative emotions will less likely dominate the conversations.

In my case, I had to acknowledge emotions of warranted concern and my perceived inadequacies. My dad is engaged and competent. An engineer, entrepreneur, and stock analysis aficionado, he still trades his portfolio and assesses real estate deals.

While I am a trained financial professional and have expertise in many areas, I am still his ‘little girl’, and I wrestle with thoughts like, “Do I know enough?” While his mind is still sharp, macular degeneration clouds his vision, and I’m concerned about the effect of computer screens and how he places trades.

These emotions come into play when we sit down to talk about how he and my mom want to handle their finances moving forward.

#2 Find the Space and Cover It with Grace

Create a safe environment and build your parents’ financial efficacy. Many times, shame and guilt around past financial decisions or future uncertainties can shut down conversations.

Find areas of their financial life that you can build on to open up discussions. “You did a great job of _______, and, moving forward, I want to hear what is important to you in taking care of yourself and how I can help.”

You can also build financial rapport by sharing stories. I asked my parents how they handled financial challenges in their past and what they learned from them. This opened up the opportunity to talk about changes they will be facing in the near future with managing accounts, cash flow, and other aging concerns.

My dad financially walked alongside my aging aunt (who passed away a few years ago), and we have talked about what went well in that relationship or what they want to do differently.

#3 Create an Environment of Support Not Control

After some time of building trust, you will be seen as an advocate. They need to make their own decisions. Your job is to help unpack the reasonable choices.

My mom and I were recently talking about my Uber experience. I was expounding on how easy it was and how much I enjoyed being chauffeured around. This opened up the conversation about “giving up the car keys” and my willingness to help them explore new ways of getting around town.

We all want autonomy – the freedom to direct our own destiny. The key lies in recognizing that as our parents age, their autonomous world becomes smaller. So the more we can help them find things that are still within their control, the better they will feel.

When my aunt was in assisted living and in the throes of dementia, she maintained that she wanted to pay for meals when I came to visit. I always encouraged her to bring her purse (which had a few dollars in it) with her, but of course, she never got a bill at the end of a meal.

We enjoyed our time together and as the plates were removed, I would say, “Thank you for lunch.” It affirmed in her head that she was in charge!

#4 Alliances Not Alienation

What team members do you want to put in place? Are there other family members that need to be involved? Are there professionals that your parents have worked with that you need to get to know?

You will have different skill sets and strengths but find common ground that you can build on. Are there bridges that need to be rebuilt? Is there forgiveness that needs to be sought or extended?

It is hard work to support family members in their aging process with financial integrity. However, the relational wealth and the dignity that will be brought out is more than worth it.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your experience dealing with aging parents’ financial matters? Have you had to take control? How do you feel about that role? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Real Housewives of Potomac Season 10 Episode 7 Fashion

The girls got back to Potomac on last night’s episode and hit the town with some fashionable ‘fits. And as always we found them for you so you can add a good mix of statement-making pieces to your wardrobe for anywhere you want to pop out and be stylish.

Best in Blonde,

Amanda

Ashley Darby’s Black Short Sleeve Prada Shirt Dress

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Keiarna Stewart’s Animal Print Mesh Long Sleeve and Capri Pants

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Keiarna Stewart’s Pearl Denim Jacket and Shorts

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Stacey Rusch’s Red Cutout Mesh Midi Dress

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Ashley Darby’s Strapless Denim Top

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Keiarna Stewart’s Black and White Crochet Printed Midi Dress

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Angel Massie’s Green Printed Maxi Dress

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Keiarna Stewart’s Black Flower Appliquè Confessional Look

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Keiarna Stewart’s Purple Baroque Confessional Look

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Wendy Osefo’s Red Collared Confessional Look

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Gizelle Bryant’s Scalloped Sequin Confessional Look

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Gizelle Bryant’s Pearl Embellished Confessional Look

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Originally posted at: Real Housewives of Potomac Season 10 Episode 7 Fashion

She was the president of Selena’s fan club until she murdered her idol in 1995.

Whether you are celebrating
Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Kwanza, or Christmas, the holidays will soon be upon us,
spreading a message of peace and love around the world. It’s a truly uplifting
and inspiring time of year, no doubt, until your relatives arrive to celebrate
with you.

Of course, some of us have easy,
smooth, and delightful interactions with our friends and family. But most of us
have some degree of, shall we call it “challenge,” when it comes to dealing
with friends and family, especially those we generally see only during the holidays.

Let’s face it, after a certain age,
one hopes that family stress would be mostly behind us, that we’d come to
accept each other as we are, for who we are. If only it were so. Unfortunately,
family members can still grate on our nerves, try as we might to take it all in
stride.

Your perpetually whining grandson refuses
to talk to anyone but spends the holiday get-together with his face in his
mobile.

Your cousin Ann wants “just another
little drinkie” before lunch, which guarantees she’ll be incoherent by dessert.
Your brother-in-law George’s jokes are not only politically incorrect, but also
downright rude.

All of these put you in an impossible
position. Ignore or smooth over? Attempt people-management or plaster a smile
on your face? Run and hide? Well, you can’t do that. The upshot is stress.

The Stress Challenge

Holiday stress, whether handled
directly or sublimated in the interests of apparent family harmony, takes its
toll. Not just in terms of momentary frustration and aggravation, but in terms
of your health and longevity.

Conflict produces stress. Stress can accelerate
telomere shortening, which research shows can jumpstart
age-related disease. Why are telomeres so important to good health? Every cell
in our body contains chromosomes, each with protective caps known as telomeres.

Telomeres shorten naturally as we
age, but telomeres also shorten due to stress, with a highly unpleasant
consequence known as “accelerated aging.” I don’t know about you, but the last
thing I want is “accelerated aging.”

We can’t avoid all stress. A certain
amount of stress is actually healthy as it gets us up and going. But the stress
of family challenges is rarely healthy stress, as it can lead to anxiety,
frustration, or even depression.

How to Lower Stress Levels

Exiling all stress-inducing friends and family from holiday get-togethers isn’t the answer. Instead, learn how to deal more effectively with stress and family challenges.

Here is a useful strategy
to deal with holiday family stress challenges:

Look for the Good

So, your grandson has
nose-dived into his cell phone. At least that keeps him occupied and out of
everybody’s hair.

Cousin Ann will sneak a
drink regardless of your valiant attempts to keep her away from the refreshments.
Either make sure she has someone to drive her home after the festivities or
make up a bed for her.

Everyone is used to
brother-in-law George’s offensive humor. Ignore it. Don’t rise to the bait by
responding, and trust that your other guests will take their cue from you.

Enjoy What Can Be Enjoyed

Your job is to enjoy what
can be enjoyed in your family gathering, not to be the family problem-solver.
You won’t reform anyone overnight, so don’t try.

This is not to say that
at some other point you might wish to engage in communication with various
family members over unhealthy or inappropriate behaviors, but not now.

The holidays are meant to
be a time of peace and celebration. To the best of your ability, let it be so. And
with that, know you are supporting your own health and longevity. A precious holiday
gift to yourself.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What strategies do you use to reduce the stress at family gatherings – particularly during the holidays? Do you find that you are more tolerant or less tolerant of bad behavior at family get-togethers as you get older? Why? What is your worst family gathering cringe-worthy story that ended on a positive note? Please share with our community!