Author: Admin01

Name It and Claim It – How Gratitude Can Boost Your Life

There’s a concept in psychology that can be readily summed up with, “Name it and claim it.” In a nutshell, it says that once you figure out the emotion that lies beneath your frustration, pain or anger, as in “name it,” you can then deal directly with the emotion itself, as in “claim it.” In turn, this facilitates healing.

For example, beneath anger and frustration most often lies fear. Once you address the fear itself, your frustration and anger will generally evaporate, or at least be understandable.

Understanding then leads to the possibility of resolving whatever issue caused the anger or frustration in the first place. Thus, the value of “Name it and claim it.”

Claiming Feel-Good Moments

What if we used the same concept in reverse? What if we named the feel-good moments in our lives, and thus “claimed” them? Not just the incredible over-the-top events, but the small, ordinary pleasures that we experience all along our day.

That morning brew that tastes so good – what if you said to yourself, “This tastes good. It makes me happy.” Or really soak in the pleasure of your shower, of your partner’s smile, of your own smile at a child, a pet, a flower?

Science tells us that feeling happier leads to better physical health, in particular, to improved cardiovascular health and immune system responses.

Who doesn’t want better health, especially a stronger immune system, in these pandemic days? Plus, feeling happier increases your overall mental and emotional well-being, which in turn makes you more resilient in the face of everyday stresses and upsets.

But here’s the thing: how does one feel happier in this seemingly unending global pandemic, with all its consequences for our health, our finances, our children, how we live day to day, our societies – heck, everything?

Start with Gratitude

There is a wealth of studies that show how gratitude is linked to happiness, which fortunately, is accessible to all of us, at no charge and with no harmful side effects.

Take the story of Alice Lawson, who at 97, is a stunning example of the benefits of gratitude in the midst of hardship. Rather than lament the pandemic which has challenged her as it has us all, Alice maintains an inspiring attitude of gratitude for everything that is going well.

For indeed, there is much that is going well when you think about it. There are still caring people in the world and those who are willing to help us find solutions to our Covid-forced social isolation and misery. We still have nature and pets; we have whatever faith supports us.

Somehow, Alice managed to find sources of happiness in the midst of truly awful difficult times. Alice lived through WWII in Liege, Belgium. In those years, she and her family put together food baskets and delivered them to basements where people persecuted by the Nazis were hiding.

Alice became a nurse, and soon thereafter, a “war-bride,” having fallen in love with an American soldier. Alice and her new husband first lived in rural Alabama, a far cry from citified Liege. Alice had to learn a whole new culture in addition to a whole new language.

Not only did Alice survive and thrive, raising her children and loving her husband, but she kept her upbeat approach to life through it all – never holding a grudge, always being grateful for life and all it offers.

Now, if Alice could maintain a grateful heart and mind through so much change and crises, surely we can attempt the same. Not to mention the impressive impact of such an attitude on her health and longevity. At 97, Alice has the verve and enthusiasm of a young person.

So, go for it. Name and claim whatever happiness you can find in your life. Deliberately engage your sense of gratitude for as much as you can. Your mental, emotional, and physical well-being will benefit enormously.

Even during the pandemic, what are you grateful for? What are some of the small things in your day-to-day life that make you smile? Has the pandemic changed the way you think about what’s important in life? If so, how? Please share with the community.

Read More

5 Questions About Your Past That Can Give Your Future More Purpose

Questions-About-Your-Past

Having a sense of purpose, calling or mission is a powerful motivator. It is also key to having a longer, more fulfilling life.

At times, however, that sense of calling or purpose may feel elusive. You may not be able to see it as you look forward, towards your future. But you may be able to follow its trail as you look at your past.

I offer you five questions designed to help you think, as specifically as possible, about moments in your life. I’m using a technique that I’ve found to be useful and revealing when asking people to share their stories with me, leading to powerful insights.

Five Evocative Questions

  • Can you tell me about a time when you were in love with what you were doing?
  • Has there been a moment when your values really guided your actions?
  • Tell me about a time when your work or life felt engaging and satisfying and you felt motivated. What did you notice was present then?
  • Can you tell me about a time when you were in touch with your passion?
  • What was one moment when you felt like your life mattered?

Use Stories to Discover How You Live Your Values

If I had just asked you to list your values, you might give me your sanitized and pre-approved list of values – interesting but not terribly helpful for our inquiry.

Instead, I asked you to tell me about a time when your values guided you. That way you’d offer me a much richer recounting than a mere report. Through your actions, I’d be able to help you see what your values meant to you. You can answer these questions by yourself.

But, better yet, why not invite a close friend to listen to your stories and ask you to go deeper, with probing questions like: “Tell me more,” or “What else did you notice?” Just remind your listener that their job is to support you to find your own answers, rather than telling you how they see your life.

A lot of us may stumble around feeling like we don’t have a sense of purpose because nothing we do or hope to do feels significant enough. But when we reflect on our lives, we often find a stream of events running together in a way that suggests that we have always been drawn, or guided, by something.

Our purpose may not have come to us in a thunderbolt, or flashed before our eyes on a marquee, but we can observe it in our actions. Embracing our purpose as it has played in our life is very satisfying.

Sure, we may have had a lot of setbacks, even endured what we may call ‘failures,’ but we’ve also had a stream of small victories, ones that may have gone unnoticed by others but were always important to us. We are drawn to appreciate what we have been standing for and the contributions we have made.

Learn from a Peak Moment

One of my peak experiences occurred when I was a university department chair and was reviewing candidates for a faculty position. One candidate seemed ideal for the job – I could sense a good fit reading about his life choices, his values and the aspirations that seemed to be guiding him.

Yet as I listened to him interview, I knew he wasn’t adequately conveying who he was. Perhaps he wasn’t well-schooled in how to respond in an interview, perhaps he wanted and needed the job too much – and I happened to know that his life was at a critical juncture.

As I listened to him, I felt something powerful coming through me, something that needed to be said on behalf of his future. I offered him a gentle piece of guidance, though I don’t know if one could still do this with more standardized interviews today.

He responded immediately, shifted his delivery, and ended up with a faculty position in my program and a 25-year-long career in the university.

The world didn’t know what I did. There was no applause. My colleague may not even remember what I said. But I had such a bodily sense of purpose as I spoke that I will always remember the incident.

In addressing my colleague, I was in touch with part of my calling: seeing the possibility in others and gently helping them to find their way. It is only in reviewing peak moments like this one that I see how deeply that purpose has been present throughout my life.

Without my actions, an expression like “seeing possibility in others” might sound trite. But I know it is still guiding me forward.

Discover What Calls You

You’ve had moments like that, moments when you felt alive, on track, even guided. By reviewing these moments, and seeing the values or drive that was underneath them, you can find irrefutable evidence of your calling.

The answer to the question of purpose doesn’t just live in your words; it lives in your life. Use it to claim your legacy. Or, having discovered the threads of purpose in your past, go forth and weave them into your future.

Have you discovered how to shape your future purpose based on past events and lessons? What purpose has emerged from peak moments you experienced in the past? Please share your insights below.

Read More

The Importance of Choosing Good Friends After 60

Choosing-Good-Friends-After-60

Lately, I’ve been thinking a great deal about friendships. Friends and social acquaintances are a big and important part of a woman’s life. Therefore, it remains vital, as we age, not to let those relationships slip away. It’s so easy to get caught up in other life events.

Grandchildren and husbands or boyfriends and appointments and social events can easily eat away at our time. It seems friendships are often the first to go, because it’s easy to put off returning that phone call or email or text message.

But it shouldn’t be. If you are finding yourself pushing your friends on the back burner, or you’re the friend that seems pushed to the side, you need to reevaluate these situations. I have developed some questions you should ask yourself about your relationships with your girlfriends.

Do You Both Put in The Time?

Friendship doesn’t just happen. Friendship takes time and energy from both parties. Ask yourself, is everyone pulling their weight to maintain the relationship?

If you chose a friend who is working to make the friendship a happy one, it means you should feel the obligation to respond to her. Answer her texts, emails or phone calls.

Making time for a lunch date or maybe a manicure is a great opportunity to chat and share. If you don’t both feel the need, you should evaluate the friendship and ask yourself: “Does, this friend feed my soul? Does she inspire me? Can I rely on her? Can I trust her? Do I laugh with her?”

Do You “Mirror” Each Other?

Mirroring doesn’t make you two peas in a pod. It simply means you are on the same wavelength. You understand where each of you is coming from. You are more similar than different.

I don’t believe in cliques. That works for some women but not for me. I like my friends to come from different walks of life – that adds spice to the relationship.

And yet, my friends must have my life values. Our values are the glue that bonds us. My advice is to not try to mirror your friend. Choose a friend who mirrors you.

Can You Really Open to One Another?

Every month in my winter home in California, I host a focus group. Each month we discuss a topic of concern. The women I invite are open and honest, and we discuss tough topics.

For example, it’s not easy to admit that you feel invisible because of your age or that you don’t know how you will handle finances if your husband dies. Open honesty is as important in a friendship as it is in a romantic relationship.

Do You Help One Another?

Do you share useful information with one another? If you have a friend who is open and honest and wants to offer you meaningful and thought out advice, she is a keeper. Sharing is caring and creates a tight bond.

Friendships simply can’t be taken for granted. If a friendship isn’t working, you owe it to the other person to have an honest conversation.

Perhaps you need to clear the air. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship. I am a firm believer that after 60 you should be thinking about quality rather than quantity.

Do you have a group of good friends? What are the qualities that you value most in your friends? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Read More

Bath & Body Works’ Semi-Annual Sale Means 75 Percent Off Candles, Body Care & Soaps

Twice a year, Bath & Body Works pulls out all the stops and discounts holiday and everyday favorites up to 75 percent off, which new discounts throughout the week. The Bath & Body Works Semi-Annual sale for holiday 2020 is no different—actually, it might be even better. We’ve got the details on all the goods so you can game-plan your shopping trip.

Of course, deals will be online as well as in-store so if you feel safer shopping from your couch, you can still stock up on Bath & Body Works favorites. Now’s the chance to score the beloved holiday fragrances before they’re gone (until next year), as well as throwbacks including Secret Wonderland, Honeysuckle and Sensual Amber brought back just for this sale. Christmas body care will be just $4.95 and select Christmas 3-Wick Candles will be $11.95.

Instagram PhotoSource: Instagram

For the best of the best deals, you’ll want to dig for those 75 percent off products. These include body care, candles, hand soaps and tons of non-holiday items you’ll want to use all-year round. You’ll even be able to find some best-selling fall body scare scents and ones you haven’t smelled for months. It’s basically like a rummage sale where you never know exactly what you’ll find.

The sale begins Saturday, December 26. If you’re shopping in store, don’t forget your face mask and hand sanitizer and maybe even consider going on off hours to avoid the crowds. Or, there’s always delivery! As much as we want to shop and treat ourselves this year (we deserve it), we also have to stay safe too. Set your iCal and get ready to get your haul on. Then, have big New Year zoom with friends to share exactly what you got.

STYLECASTER | Ashley Benson Interview

 

Read More

Bath & Body Works’ Semi-Annual Sale Means 75 Percent Off Candles, Body Care & Soaps

Twice a year, Bath & Body Works pulls out all the stops and discounts holiday and everyday favorites up to 75 percent off, which new discounts throughout the week. The Bath & Body Works Semi-Annual sale for holiday 2020 is no different—actually, it might be even better. We’ve got the details on all the goods so you can game-plan your shopping trip.

Of course, deals will be online as well as in-store so if you feel safer shopping from your couch, you can still stock up on Bath & Body Works favorites. Now’s the chance to score the beloved holiday fragrances before they’re gone (until next year), as well as throwbacks including Secret Wonderland, Honeysuckle and Sensual Amber brought back just for this sale. Christmas body care will be just $4.95 and select Christmas 3-Wick Candles will be $11.95.

Instagram PhotoSource: Instagram

For the best of the best deals, you’ll want to dig for those 75 percent off products. These include body care, candles, hand soaps and tons of non-holiday items you’ll want to use all-year round. You’ll even be able to find some best-selling fall body scare scents and ones you haven’t smelled for months. It’s basically like a rummage sale where you never know exactly what you’ll find.

The sale begins Saturday, December 26. If you’re shopping in store, don’t forget your face mask and hand sanitizer and maybe even consider going on off hours to avoid the crowds. Or, there’s always delivery! As much as we want to shop and treat ourselves this year (we deserve it), we also have to stay safe too. Set your iCal and get ready to get your haul on. Then, have big New Year zoom with friends to share exactly what you got.

STYLECASTER | Ashley Benson Interview

 

Read More