Sometimes it’s hard to venture out when you’ve been isolated from the world for whatever reason. Have fears of Covid contamination made you feel like a kid coming out from under the covers yet?

Taking Care of Business

My husband could fix anything (the only question was when), which is why trying to navigate home repairs is one of the worst parts of being widowed for me. But I had some repairs that could no longer be delayed so I went to the home improvement store.

When I pulled in next to all the growling diesel trucks with custom toolboxes and toppers, I was reminded once again that I was a woman in a man’s world. I felt small before I even got to the entrance.

Going for Safe

Always one to err on the side of safety, I slid the straps of my quilted leopard-print Covid mask around my ears and began practicing my construction-speak on the way in.

I always try to channel my husband when I go to hardware stores, so I don’t ask for “electrical thingies” in that embarrassing way some women do.

At home, I had even used the measuring tape and counted the number of holes in the switch plate (1, 2 or 3! Who knew?) I needed replacement for.

My at-home preparation was worth every minute. The clerk typed in my order, no questions asked, took my money, and then I moved to stand on an X in the delivery area, which is actually where this story starts. Because, you see, I hadn’t been out for over two months.

Leaving Isolation

I found being in the presence of all these people I didn’t know, who had also been isolated for months, disconcerting, disorienting really. I felt the same way after I recovered from hepatitis when I was seven.

Some were wearing masks and some weren’t. Having learned on social media that some couples were cutting each other’s hair, I looked around and, to my horror, realized this was true! Who knew cutting your partner’s hair was the new disco dance?

Waiting on my orange X, feeling like a little a girl in a men’s locker room, worried about who might have the virus, I suddenly realized no one was making eye contact with me.

Learning to Reconnect

We’ve been isolated for so long we’ve almost forgotten how to greet one another. We’re in our own little worlds, sealed up like heads of lettuce in plastic wrap.

The grand reopening of the economy seemed forced and sad, hopeless even. Maybe helpless is a better word. And it is a helplessness I already understand.

For the first few months after my husband died, I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t want to see other people leading their normal lives.

I didn’t want to see people who had come to the funeral and then had dinner with their spouse and watched TV slumped against each other. I hadn’t slept much or had my hair cut then either and I was an emotional wreck.

Learning to Feel Safe Again

The first job a new widow or divorcee faces is to find safety again. Grief keeps us on guard, socially isolated, and withdrawn. A sense of helplessness is common and to add insult to injury, I’ve noticed that one helpless memory seems to lead to another.

While those of us who are grieving the loss of a loved one are having a hard time, I think Covid has put the whole world into a universal grief.

Grief about those who have died and left their partners to navigate a strange new world, grief about the world’s economy, grief about the loved ones we can’t see, the parties and meals we won’t enjoy together, the events that we won’t be going to this year, and the fears we share.

Holding Each Other in Safety

To combat this feeling of ongoing dread, try creating a heart space where everything is okay; a heart space that is born when you become friends with your grief. No matter what you’ve been through, you’ve been given this day to live.

Make a choice to feel safe in that knowing and to extend that sense of internal safety to everyone you meet. It’s a beautiful thing to offer safety to others in a scary time like this. We’re all in this together and just for today, everything is going to be okay.

Is this pandemic your first time of self-isolation? What fears do you have now that match those of live after marriage? In what way can you offer safety to someone else today? Please share your thoughts below.

A dear friend called me yesterday, distressed:

“What am I supposed to do? Some people are wandering around town without masks, eating at outdoor patios with less than three feet between them. Isn’t that horribly dangerous? Others are wearing masks and full-on face shields. Gosh, are face shields necessary? It seems a bit obsessive to me, but who knows? And then, there’s the whole social-distancing thing, which seems to be haphazard no matter where I go. For that matter, I hardly dare go anywhere, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, how, when, or where.”

She’s not alone. Many of us, especially those of us seniors who are in the more vulnerable age/health category, are in a quandary as our various communities try to get out of lockdown and back to normal.

Although what is normal seems to be very much in question. There are guidelines given to us by various public health professionals, others by our community leaders, and still others by our friends, Google, and the Internet in general.

What’s a Person to Do?

Wear a mask, OK, but when and where, and for how long? What kind of mask is best? Or is a mask even effective in the first place?

Observe social distancing. Got it. But is sharing a meal OK? How does that work? Observe social distancing in certain circumstances but not in others? OK, but which? And how?

Take my temperature regularly, OK. Once a day, once a week, three times a day? Only before I go out? Only if I feel hot? Yikes.

The only stable directive across the board seems to be, “Wash your hands.” Whew. One down.

Individual Choice

It’s all a matter of individual choice. Each of us has to do our own research and listen to the opinions of those who make the most sense to us. Those we trust. Of course, community rules and mandates must be followed (i.e., requiring mask wearing in public places, practicing social distancing).

Beyond that, what we do or don’t do to protect ourselves, and society at large, from the coronavirus is purely a matter of choice.

But, what is right for my friend may not be right for everyone. She may choose to stay home all the time. You may feel comfortable meeting friends at a distance.

What is right for your significant other may not feel comfortable for you. What 90% of the population does may not feel like your path. Once you’ve listened to the medical experts and done your research, make a decision. Decide what you want for yourself; what makes you feel safe and protected.

Personal choice is always important – pandemic or not. Take Pat Taylor, for example, who, at 80, found herself once again battling ovarian cancer.

Not her first go-round, as Pat has had to deal with this particular cancer several times since it first cropped up in 2004. Yet prior to the pandemic and before schools shut down, Pat refused to give up the volunteering dear to her heart: as a cafeteria worker, every weekday at a local elementary school, doing whatever was needed.

During the pandemic, individuals dealing with cancer may choose to stay at home, others to connect more with friends and loved ones at a distance, still others to paint or write or read. There is no right or wrong in any of these – or a multitude of other – choices.

What matters is the choice that fits for you, whether we’re talking about coronavirus or cancer or any other unfortunate situation.

Getting Rid of Covid-19 Stress

Let’s take this one step further. Although the situation itself may seem out of control since no one can yet predict how/when the pandemic will end and under what circumstances, you no longer need to suffer from the stress of it.

You see, the stress of feeling out-of-control damages our immune system, having nothing to do with whether or not we’ve actually contracted the virus, and that’s something none of us can afford. Our immune system is our body’s number one line of defense against all ailments, Covid-19 included.

So, the one thing you can absolutely do for yourself, in the face of so many conflicting “dos” and “don’ts,” is regain some measure of control over what you can control.

You can’t control Covid-19, you certainly can’t control what other people are doing, but you can take charge of your own behavior.

You can make informed decisions about how you are going to manage your health in these trying times. And with that, you can achieve a measure of calm and peace, that will benefit your overall well-being enormously.

What are you doing to stay safe and protected doing the pandemic? Do you find yourself at odds with your family/friends regarding the type of precautions you’re taking versus what they’re doing? Does taking precautionary measures against Covid-19 decrease your stress about the virus or increase the stress? Please share your thoughts and observations with the community.