Ramona Singer’s Black Lace Strapless Dress

Real Housewives of New York Instagram Fashion

Though she wasn’t exactly providing the besssstttttt example of social distancing (don’t worry I cropped  out her friend so we could focus on her dress regardless of opinions on that), this weekend Ramona Singer took to Instagram in her black lace strapless dress straight from Florida to let us know she was once again out in the wild. Based on the comments on her pic she may live to regret it, though she maintained she and her friend had both been quarantined until that point so the rendezvous was safe and we all know there is no arguing with her either way. I can say I’m happy to have gotten got a glimpse of this super cute dress to scoop up for when I have my first Instagram worthy moment six feet away from with a friend with a matching mask whenever that may be.

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Originally posted at: Ramona Singer’s Black Lace Strapless Dress

Lisa Rinna’s Butterfly Workout Set

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Instagram Fashion

Lisa Rinna is gunning for the role of the hardest working woman on Instagram in Hollywood, as proven by the fact that she is still providing us with consistent content which includes new outfits and dances 1,995 days into quarantine. Just the motivation to get dressed is something that is lacking for some of us, let alone the drive show our faces on camera, something that must truly not be relatable to Rinna at all. However I will tell you that thanks to her and seeing how good Carmen Electra looks on the interviews during Last Dance (I know, completely unrelated but an amazing series) legitimate me have motivated me to track some calories and get back working out again. So here’s to hoping that I emerge from the Q just like the butterflies on Lisa Rinna’s workout set.

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Credit: @LisaRinna

Originally posted at: Lisa Rinna’s Butterfly Workout Set

A few years ago, I spoke to a lively group of women that had been started by my friend Joan Rogliano, a divorced realtor living in Colorado. The Wildflower Group had been formed out of a need for an organization to tend to the needs of recently-widowed and divorced women.

My topic was on networking, and how to manage our way through life’s larger transitions. Few transitions though are larger than a late-in-life divorce or being widowed. Divorce rates among Baby Boomers have boomed, up 109% in recent years.

It’s hard enough to go through a loss, harder still to survive economically, and for many of us, even harder to find new love again as we age.

Wildflower has bloomed, so to speak, if for no other reason than there is such a need for what Joan provides. As so many people opt for divorce, the need for a support system and a great group of gals to help us hang tough has also risen.

Too many women feel lonely and isolated, so groups like Joan’s, and online groups like Sixty and Me, provide the social connection that people crave, especially as they move through big seismic shifts in their situations.

Now What Do I Do?

For so many, late-in-life divorce or widowhood comes as a complete shock. For women like my mother, who became a widow in her 80s, my father’s compulsion to control everything was costly.

By that time, she had no idea how to manage her finances, what she had in the bank, or how to protect herself financially. As a result, when a family member wanted money, she wrote a check for $24,000.

That had been the last existing investment she had to support herself outside Social Security. I had to take her checkbook away, or she’d have given him that money as well.

For my mother, and many women like her, finding herself alone that late in life was both freeing and terrifying. Dad’s death had been expected, but she had functioned in a state of denial for years. Suddenly, she had huge responsibilities she had no clue how to manage.

I moved back to Denver from Spokane to help out. Not all of us have kids who will do that. Organizations like Wildflowers and Sixty and Me have evolved to provide the safety net. They provide sisterhood and succor we all need to get back on our feet and thriving again.

But What About Love?

For many of us, the end of a relationship is a door opening. Especially if our partners haven’t been good for us, it’s a chance to start over. Here are some keys to that process at any age:

Allow Yourself to Experience the Ending

The Ending, which could be a death or divorce, causes a great deal of change. Each entails a loss: loss of identity (I’m no longer Mrs. Johnson, now who am I?), possible loss of property or access to kids or grandchildren, a loss of a circle of friends.

Each element needs to be acknowledged, honored, and mourned.

As a society, we aren’t adept at ritualizing and respecting large life passages. When we take the time to look deeply into those things that are passing, thank them for what they brought us, and bury them in a ceremony, we state that we are indeed moving on. Our hearts and minds find closure.

Move into the Neutral Zone

After the ending, you’ll move into the Neutral Zone, a time of in-between. For many, this is exquisitely uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be. In that discomfort, we have a choice. We can feel sorry for ourselves, or we can build interim scaffolding.

That’s when we reach out, network, connect, create brand new friends, and try brand new things. This time of in-between can be the single most exciting time of our lives.

It takes courage, but by experimenting with new activities, getting out and getting engaged, not only do we heal but we also build a new life.

Experience A New Beginning

Eventually, we will reach a point where we have a New Beginning. It might sneak up on us, it might be glaringly obvious. Each of us responds differently.

Whether we experiment with online dating, start a brand-new bridge club, or learn to ride a Harley at 75, it makes no difference. We’re evolving into who we were always meant to be.

My mother fell in love not long after my father died with a long-time family friend. She was as giddy as a schoolgirl. It was a great highlight of her last years. There’s no guarantee it will happen for all of us.

However, we create a better chance for the River of Life to deliver something magical onto our shores when we take the time to process our losses with respect, patience, and the time necessary to honor our feelings.

That opens the door to endless possibilities, as we clean house, so to speak, to make room for something new to happen.

A great resource for moving through many of life’s shifts is a book called, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by Dr. William Bridges. It’s the one gift I give all my friends when they are facing tough times, and it is a terrific primer for how to make the best out of what can be a terrifying time.

Have you lost someone late in life? How did you move through your process towards a new you? What can you share about how you managed so that the rest of us can best embrace the inevitable changes that aging brings? Please share your insights for the benefit of the community.

As you age, how do you see your retirement years playing out? As a time to settle for what you got and feeling a bit disappointed? Or do you want a more vigorous lifestyle that allows you to continue to stretch and grow?

If you say, “Oh, yes, the second one,”
then it’s possible to recreate your life and set out to reach goals you’ve only
allowed your heart to feel. You’re exactly like me in that regard.

I continue to expand my vision of
what’s possible, and I don’t intend to stop any time soon.

However, with age, I’m more patient
and have learned to allow time to play its magic on life.

About 12 years ago, after my
caregiving days, I set in motion a strategy to create a lifestyle that would
keep me safe, healthy, independent, financially sound, mobile, fit, and
content.

Today, I’m living it.

While it took me 10 years to create it, my message to you
is this: “having a life of contentment, independence, hope, and vitality is
possible.” What’s required is a plan and consciously working and acting on it.
And remember, it deserves patience.

The Possibilities

Future thinking, what I practice today,
doesn’t predict the future. I use this method to find “what’s possible” in a
situation or concern, to look for the unexpected consequences that can cause my
plans to run amok, and then lay out various options of possible choices.

The best part of future thinking is
that it prepares me for the inevitable changes that life throws my way.

If you plan for the issues that could happen, instead of thinking what will happen, you gain new perspectives
and context for present-day decisions. It also helps you to deal with the
dilemma that the future can’t be predicted.

Plus, it gives you the opportunity to
create “what if” scenarios – various options, allowing you to turn and pivot
when life throws you a curveball.

Planning Wisely

As we grow older, we have to make
choices based on what is to come –
the premise I based my future life on. Thankfully, family caregiving showed me the
inevitable and from that perspective I am better equipped to plan ahead.

For example, when thinking through my
housing concerns, I had to consider downsizing, moving from a two-story
dwelling in the suburbs, car dependency, isolation, and fretting about the
stairs.

I could not predict my future to know
whether two stories would affect my well-being later on. However, the chances
of slipping or falling when carrying a basket of dirty clothes upstairs
(location of washer/dryer) put me at a higher risk.

It’s impossible to predict whether I
would fall – but having a two-story home would certainly grow into a bigger
issue down the road.

And that is what “future thinking” is
all about… finding the potential,
unexpected consequences of present-day issues related to growing older.

Unexpected Consequences

Here’s an example of unexpected
consequences you may recall: The one-child-per-couple
policy in China. In late 2015, the government announced that it was relaxing
the policy, after 35 years of enforcing it.

Officials are now encouraging
childbirth because they worry the fertility rate has sunk well below 2.1, the level
required to keep the population stable in the long term. They fear a shrinking
population will hamper economic growth.

As for other parts of
the world, you can also see how the unexpected consequences of having less
children have affected the shrinking numbers of family caregivers.

On the flip side of
consequences, the 1- or 2-child family decisions have led to the creation of new
technologies like Join Papa, check-in apps that connect daughters/sons to
parents, online personal caregivers, robotics as caregivers, and more.

So, not all unexpected
consequences give negative effects – as long as we prepare to turn and pivot.

Consider the Future to Live Well Today

Thinking about the future is
fundamentally important to dealing with the challenges of today. In order to
confront these problems successfully, we have to think carefully about the
action steps to take, not just in the immediate moment, but as conditions
evolve.

As we’ve seen time and again, it’s all
too easy for actions that seem reflexively correct to lead to far greater
crises down the road.

My “Plan Future Me” digital course will launch in the next month. It’s designed to follow the strategy I used to get me where I am today. For a sneak preview, you can download the free future plan cheat sheet to help you get started and to stay tuned for the course launch dates.

Which type of aging do you think would suit you best? On what observations do you base your opinion? How do you plan your future? Please share with our community.

Kim Zolciak-Biermann’s White Puff Sleeve Top

Watch What Happens Live Fashion May 18, 2020

TBH sometimes a Kim Zolciak-Biermann post gives me anxiety because there is so much negativity—especially on Instagram—when I do a post on her. Really the only part of my job that I dislike is when people say negative things in comments about the Housewives, who are legitimately people on TV who they don’t know personally. I get it’s part of their gig, but it’s not part of my gig and I can’t grasp why people can’t get scroll on by if they have something negative to say. I mean, who doesn’t have bigger fish to fry?! That being said, when Kim pops up in this perfect white puff sleeve top that costs on $12, I have to put it out there. Because even a hater should be able to appreciate an amazing deal.

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Click Here to Shop her BooHoo Top in Black or White

Photo 1: @KimZolciakBiermann

Photo #2: Bravo TV

Originally posted at: Kim Zolciak-Biermann’s White Puff Sleeve Top