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After my 60-year-old husband walked out to make babies, I announced to my best friend that I was writing a memoir.

“For revenge?” she asked.

“NO!” I paused. “Well, maybe a little,” I admitted, though I knew revenge was not what I needed. After all, I’m a therapist, and choosing revenge is not a wise coping mechanism.

What Revenge Does

Revenge would keep me engaged, but not in a good way. Trying to find ways to get back at my ex might be easier than feeling the hurt, but it meant I focused on him rather than my healing.

When my husband left, I felt blindsided. I had fully believed we were happy in love. Until he left.

I wept for his loss, scrolling through years of suspect memories. What did I miss? What if none of my memories are true? Therapists are not immune to missing the obvious.

I grieved our future, too. I had fantasized about our adventures together; I’d imagined us till the end, laughing and commiserating as we handled the shifts and tweaks aging requires.

I fantasized about revenge. I’d send him subscriptions to Healthy Aging and AARP. I’d include a package of Depends.

But revenge fantasies have a short shelf life.

It Was Not About Him – It Was About Me

I had no idea how to handle what came after, so I turned inward, hunting for the truth of our story. What did I miss? I am a therapist; for God’s sake, I’m supposed to understand people.

I wanted to know if my version was anything like his version. Twelve years later, when I finished the memoir, I discovered I had to tolerate and embrace not knowing.

At the time, my husband felt like a betrayal of the relationship I thought we’d had. I was indignant. I thought you were this kind of person, and you turned out to be that kind of person.

But maybe the people I love are not responsible for the fact that I thought they were one way and later found out they were another way.

Love Is a Risky Business

Each person you love takes a piece of you, and then they are careless, forget to look both ways, drink too much, climb mountain cliffs, or are otherwise negligent. People die. They fall out of love. They leave. Loss is a constant and yet such a huge fear. We protect against it. We install smoke detectors and immunize our children. So, when loss comes anyway, we blame.

But the only way to avoid this heart pain is to avoid love. And that is too hard a way to live.

My youngest son asked before his wedding, “So, Mom, do you still believe in love and marriage?”

I wanted to take my time here. My son had witnessed me go through two divorces.

“I do. It didn’t work out for me, but I still think exploring and getting to know someone until the end of days is a superb and worthwhile endeavor.” I paused and said, “Love alone is not enough. You need to be fearless.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been burned by love and loss? Do you still believe in love? What about love until the end of days?

Most of us wake up each morning with a simple hope, that the day ahead will be calm and manageable. Yet even a quiet life can quickly fill with unexpected tasks, interruptions, and small demands on our time.

What begins as an easy, quiet morning can quickly become hectic, especially if we allow every interruption to take over our time. Many of us have spent decades saying yes to others. We want to be helpful, kind, and dependable. But after 60 it becomes more important to remember that our own needs deserve attention as well.

Our mental and physical health, our finances, and our energy levels, should be our priorities. It is easy to find ourselves juggling our own plans with unexpected requests, surprise visits, or tempting distractions. When that happens, stress can build quickly.

A good morning mood can disappear, leaving us wishing we could simply climb back into bed and start again tomorrow. But that is not the solution. Instead, making a few small changes in how we approach the day can make life feel much easier.

Here are five simple things I do that help keep my days calm and manageable.

Wear Brighter Colours

Wearing brighter colours is one of the easiest ways to lift your mood. When I look in the mirror and see cheerful colours, I often find myself smiling. For a moment the world feels lighter and more playful.

The opposite happens when everything I wear is dull or grey. Somehow the day feels heavier before it even begins. Even if I am not planning to see anyone, I still try to add colour to what I wear.

It may seem like a small thing, but it works. A bright shirt, dress, or scarf can change the tone of the morning. If I start to feel stressed later in the day, one glance in the mirror reminds me to relax and smile again.

Learn to Say No Without Guilt

Many of us say yes more often than we should. We feel obligated, or we worry about disappointing someone. Sometimes we agree simply because we think it is what others expect.

Over time, these small commitments can pile up until they begin to feel overwhelming. When that happens, saying no can feel uncomfortable, bringing on guilt or self-doubt.

But saying no is simply being honest. It means recognizing what is right for you at that moment. Choosing not to do something does not make you unkind. In fact, it shows self-respect and emotional maturity.

Learning to say no, when something does not feel right, is one of the simplest ways to make life easier.

Organize Your Week Instead of Your Day

Being organized is helpful, but sometimes a detailed daily schedule can become stressful. When every task is tied to a specific day and time, the schedule can start to feel like a time clock judging our performance.

Of course, certain things must happen at a specific time. Medical appointments, meetings, or lunches with friends cannot easily be moved. But many other tasks are far more flexible.

Instead of planning every activity by the day, try thinking in terms of the week. Laundry might usually happen on Monday morning, but there is nothing wrong with doing it later in the week.

The same is true for many household tasks and errands. Allowing a few days of flexibility lets life unfold more naturally. When something new appears on the calendar, it becomes much easier to shift plans without creating stress.

A weekly perspective keeps your schedule organized, while still giving you room to breathe.

Keep Your Phone on Silent for Part of the Day

Constant notifications can quietly add stress to our lives. Every ding, buzz, or ring demands attention, pulling us away from what we are doing.

Setting aside some quiet time each day without interruptions, can make a noticeable difference. When the phone is on silent for an hour or two, there is no urge to check every message the moment it arrives.

Most notifications are emails or messages that do not require an immediate response. They will still be there later.

Giving yourself a daily period of quiet allows you to focus, relax, or simply enjoy the moment, without constant distraction.

Take a Daily Walk at the Same Time

A daily walk is a simple habit that can bring structure and pleasure to the day. Whether you walk through your neighbourhood, in a park, along the water, or through wooded paths, the movement and fresh air are refreshing.

Walking at the same time each day also creates a gentle rhythm. It becomes something to look forward to, and a natural pause in the day.

Over time, the walk becomes more than exercise. It becomes a moment to think, breathe, and notice the world around you.

Wrapping It All Up

As I write this, I am wearing a blue and white shift with a blue scrunchie in my red hair. I glanced at my reflection in the window a moment ago and noticed how relaxed it made me feel.

My phone is quietly vibrating on the desk beside me. Someone is calling, but it can wait a little while. It may be the friend who wanted me to drive her to her hair appointment so she would have company. When I said I had plans, she did not seem to want to accept no for an answer.

The laundry I had planned for today can wait until tomorrow. Taking my time finishing this article feels more important right now, and soon it will be time for my afternoon walk.

Small choices like these have helped me take back control of my days. A little flexibility, a little quiet time, and a willingness to put my own priorities first, have made everyday life feel much easier.

Click for free access to my Substack, Retired Way Out There, where I publish a bi-monthly newsletter and provide handouts.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What simple habits have you found helpful in your daily life? Have you tried any habits that didn’t work for you?

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