Author: Admin01

I am a single mom of two adult men. I’ve been a single mom their entire life, so it has been hard for me to transition to “letting go.” It has been easier with the eldest (because I assumed he didn’t need me anymore), but harder with the youngest.

I Was Having a Hard Time Letting Go

Sometimes I’m losing on both ends as the youngest is always complaining that I am in his business “too much” and telling him what to do. The eldest gets upset because I am not as attentive to his needs for comfort and advice.

What Did I Do to Change Our Relationship?

Listen.

I have learned a lot from listening to my youngest son teach me and show me how to parent him. He is vocal and frequent. He is a faith abounding young man that has shown me that the Lord is in control of his life, and not me. Furthermore, he has shown me I can trust him because I have raised him to know the Lord. And he and the Lord are one. 

The eldest son told me bluntly that I don’t listen and provide advice in a manner that befits his personality. That particular conversation resulted in me hearing him loud and clear. Why? Because I was listening to him versus my usual passive pretend-listening. He told me what he needed and what he didn’t need. From that moment on, we’ve had a much better relationship.

Here Are a Few Steps to Take to Help You

Pray

Pray and pray frequently and be specific about your needs. This is a marathon not a sprint.

Be Present

If they are trying to talk to you while you are busy – choose to tell them you will return the call, or stop what you are doing and put them first. Yes, that is not always possible right away. You know your children, if it sounds like it’s urgent, then make it urgent for you. All children, small, teens or adults want to know that you are choosing them.

Know Each Child

Know the character of your children. One child is not like the other child. Each has their own character. Therefore, it will help you have a better relationship with each child by treating them as an individual. 

Actively Listen

My sons know when I have “heard” them or when I’m passively listening. They act according to my behavior. If I’m dismissive of what they are telling me, I may have to deal with a person that doesn’t want to share anything with me and/or I’m not their priority. 

Show That You Care

Be willing to change your plans to show that you love and care. We are to show others that we love and care for them, and the best way to show that is by acknowledging them through action.

How Did Showing Love Benefit Me as a Parent?

My eldest son was going through a rough time with multiple trials, and he needed me to travel to his home to be there with him. He wanted to pay for my trip to be there. I remember how unloving I was because I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my home to travel to his home. Stubbornly, I didn’t want to make any changes in my life to be there.

I felt that I could have helped him where I was in my own home, over the telephone and video call. Finally, I relented and took the train to visit my son and his family. After spending a week with them, I knew I needed to be there. He needed his mom. I spent a lot of time in his presence with him and his family. As a result, our relationship has grown closer because I was there at a pivotal time in his life.

Changing my behavior resulted in my sons wanting me to spend time with them.

Love is the key to all things. 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have a tough relationship with your adult children? Have you tried to actively listen to them? What are you willing to do to have a better relationship with your adult children? 

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Originally posted at: Katie Ginella’s White Chain Embellished Dress

Is it hot in here?

I have always been very fortunate with health, so I am not complaining at all, but it was a bit of a shock to receive not so positive news. I had travelled all over the world, much of it on my own, and loved it. So when I found that travel, as I knew it, would be difficult, it felt like the beginning of the end.

It Really Got to Me

For four weeks I just stayed in the house. I was exhausted all the time, feeling a bit sad, and a little afraid of what might happen if I ventured out into the big wide world. I felt my focus had to be on my physical health.

But I forgot that health is multifaceted and I needed to take care of its emotional side as well. I had never been one for staying inside, always preferring open spaces, nature, lakes and beaches. Also, although I loved my little 400-year-old cottage, the tiny windows made it dark throughout the whole day. I knew I had to come up with a plan.

First Things First

So, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I had to get motivated. I had to stabilise my physical health, go to the doctors, hospital, have tests, etc. Take the medication. Rest when I needed.

The hardest thing for me was accepting that my much awaited operation would have to be postponed. A few years back, while staying in a Buddhist Monastery, I carried sacks of rice (yes, I know at my age I should know better!). Unfortunately, I tore my meniscus quite badly, and as a result, I needed a total knee replacement. I had been getting ready for the surgery when the current health predicament popped up.

In the Meantime

I am not able to walk very far these days, so for now, I have to accept things as they are. In an effort to keep myself happy until life could, hopefully, return to some sort of normality, I decided to build an adventure book of all the things that I would love to do. Maybe not quite climbing up Everest, but there are still so many things to do, and places to see, that would make me happy.

I am fortunate to live in a beautiful part of the world, so I decided to focus on what is close by, rather than flying halfway around the world! I started writing a list of all the wonderful things I could do for the next year.

National Trust

My starting point was joining the National Trust, which costs less than a hundred pounds per year. This gives entry to around 500 historical properties and delightful gardens including Dunster Castle, The Giants Causeway and Hill Top Farm, the home of Beatrix Potter. Car parking is, generally, free so even if I am not having a great day I can sit in my car and imagine all the wonderful history. 🙂

‘One Day’ Places

I added to my book many places I had promised myself I would visit… one day. Somehow that ‘one day’ didn’t happen but now here I am with a whole year to explore them! Durdle Door, The Minnack Theatre, Shakespeare’s Globe, The Lake District, Westminster Abbey, Exmoor, The Isles of Scilly. My list was becoming very lengthy!

My Book of Hope

Of course, the chances of me visiting them all is very slim, but the reason for making the adventure book was about hope. Hope for the future. Somewhere I could look forward to going, somewhere I could dream about. Hope that, even at my age, with some health issues, I could still find purpose, enjoyment and joy.

Life is not over until it is over. We may have to modify what we do, may need to alter how we do it, but that is the challenge, and, in a way, half the fun. 🙂 Whatever life has in store for me, I hope to live, really live, until the very last day!

Join the Conversation:

Have you changed what you do as you become older? Do you have a list of adventures still to do? What door would you like to open?

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2nd Photo: @madisonlecroy / 1st Photo: @suttonstracke

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Originally posted at: Madison LeCroy’s Tan Fur Star Print Jacket