After a very emotional and fast-moving turn of events, my partner of 18 years was bundled into a car by his concerned daughter, and I watched them drive away, feeling very alone. 

We both agreed this was the best choice, but his departure left a tremendous void. This man wasn’t my childhood sweetheart, or even the father of my children. But he was my best friend, my travel companion and the man with whom I drank coffee every morning.

At 67, I felt too set in my ways to craft a new life without him.

Unlike many women who find themselves widowed or divorced late in life, I had no fears about money or housing. I had retired from a career in teaching and owned my own home. Unlike those women, I had been alone before.

When we met, I was 10 years post-divorce and absolutely uninterested in dating or marrying again. He read the signs, decided to bypass the movie-dinner-date approach and invited me to travel with him to Australia.

Following that amazing trip, we forged a relationship that included two houses, six children, and at least one wonderful vacation a year.

The Positive Side of Living Alone

Three years later, I think of that day with sadness, but most of the time I am happy and contented. I live with a perky little dog who tells me when it’s time to get up, when it’s time to eat and when it’s time to go walkies.

She cuddles with me when I read or watch movies. She listens patiently as I explain why the current editorial is wrongheaded, and she never complains that the dishes aren’t washed, or the bed not made.

I have more friends now than I did when I lived in a self-contained relationship, and with them I have experienced many new activities: from yoga, tai chi and hiking to whale watching, cycling, and watching the moon rise from inside a wine bar.

Periodically, I invite other women over for lunch or dinner. One Solstice I even hosted a soirée.

Survival Guide for Single Life

But it didn’t happen overnight, and it wasn’t always easy. In 1981, Lynn Shahan, a guidance counselor and educator, published a slim volume titled Living Alone & Liking It.

Her book became an unexpected best seller. Described by one reviewer as “a survival guide for single life that combines ‘Dear Abby’ and Dale Carnegie,” she clearly tapped into an unmet need of thousands of people.

Being a pack rat by nature, I still had Lynn’s book on my bookshelf. Shortly after that sad day, I sat down to re-read it. It was upbeat and helpful to a point, but it didn’t really reflect my situation.

Shahan was writing from the perspective that no one would actually choose to live alone if they had an alternative, and her book was about how to make the best of a bad situation. I was planning to be alone for the rest of my life, and I wanted my life to be meaningful and rewarding.

Some things hadn’t changed since 1981 – loneliness is the first sensation most newly single people feel – and Shahan’s suggestions are the same ones psychologists suggest today: new hobbies, making new friends, taking classes and joining groups.

More People Are Living Alone Than Ever

What has changed is the number of people living alone – 15 million single-person households were reported during the 1977 census, double the number in 1960. In 2016, there were an estimated 35.89 million single-person households in the U.S.

Something else that has changed is the number of older Americans who choose to live alone. We even have a new term for that decision: aging in place.

Nearly 30% of the 46 million older people who live in the community – as opposed to an institution, such as a nursing home – live alone. About half of the people who are 85 years or older live alone.

Sometimes We Dance Alone

Another book on my shelf, written by my husband’s Aunt Edith, was far more useful for someone seeking an intentional and rewarding single life. Sometimes We Dance Alone was written in 1994, and chronicled the author’s decision at age 50 to leave her marriage and strike out on her own.

I knew Edith and admired her, both for her courage and for the very successful writing career she forged. Her description of traveling on a freight liner from Brooklyn to 19 ports in central and South America captured my imagination and left me breathless with admiration. What a great idea!

Traveling via freighter, Edith wrote, was “soul medicine.” She said, “In order to be a ‘happy camper’ on a freighter, you have to work at developing patience and flexibility, two qualities essential to a life of peace and good health under any circumstances, even when at home.”

Seek Enjoyment and Adventure

I’m not suggesting that we should all take voyages on freight liners, although, if you’re interested, it’s still possible.

We should continue to seek enjoyment and adventure if we are able. Don’t stop at dinner parties and new recipes – try planting a garden, joining a hiking club, or learning to play the cello.

It was re-reading Edith’s book that inspired me to plan a journey back to Australia last November – no travel partner, no travel agency, no fixed itinerary. I’ve written about that marvelous trek here and I am already planning my next adventure.

Life on your own can be daunting. It can also be rewarding. Your choice.

Do you live alone? Are you finding living alone a fulfilling and positive experience or a little lonely and depressing? Is living alone daunting or rewarding for you? Please share your thought and stories and let’s have a chat!

Do you ever catch your reflection in the mirror or a glass door and think, “Is that me? And when did I get that hunch?” You might notice that you are stiff or stooped over when you get out of a chair or out of the car, or you might notice your shoulders are slumping when you sit or walk.

You try to stand up straight, but before you know it, you notice you’re back in the poor posture.
Besides the fact that it makes people look old, kyphosis causes several big problems:

• Low back and neck pain
• Spinal fractures
• Rounded shoulders
• Pinched nerves at the neck which can cause vertigo
• Physical compression and pressure on the lungs and heart

Keep reading to find out how to fix this common posture pattern that impacts women over 60.

The Hunch: Kyphosis with Rounded Shoulders and Forward Head

The mid and upper sections of your spine (a.k.a., thoracic spine) have a natural convex curve towards the back of the body. This normal curve is called kyphosis. It is very common, though, to see upper backs that have too much curve.

The dictionary defines kyphosis as an excessive posterior curve. Medical terminology defines hyperkyphosis as an angle of 50 degrees, and it can be measured with X-rays or other methods.

Most non-medical people would just say the upper back is hunched or humped. I call it “The Hunch” because my clients immediately understand. If you have kyphosis, it’s highly likely you have rounded shoulders and forward head as well, and it’s likely that your pelvis is no longer in neutral position.

Kyphosis is often combined with a very stiff spine, and when the spine gets stiff, the hips and shoulders can’t swing as they are meant to do. It’s because motion begets motion. Once we lose motion in one direction, we likely lose it somewhere else too.

What Causes the Hunch?

The hunch can be caused by many factors, including poor habits, sitting too much, osteoporosis, or scoliosis.

In the case of osteoporosis, the front of the vertebrae may have actually lost bone, causing the spine to tilt forward. In my experience, no matter the cause, the muscles in the front of the body have gotten tight due to overuse, and the muscles on the back of the body have gotten weak due to underuse.

Even though they may seem far away, the hunch may actually have its roots in the feet, legs, and hips. For example, my previously hunched clients often had pronated feet, tight hip flexors, and/or tight hamstrings.

Overcome the Hunch

It is very hard to stand up straight and pull your shoulders back with kyphosis. In fact, when you try to do it, of your own will, or because someone you love reminds you to do it, you will often push your hips forward to get your shoulders back.

This isn’t helpful or transformative and is difficult to sustain as you will eventually tire and feel uncomfortable. When you push your hips forward, you can also compress the lower back.

I found that instead of trying to push the upper back into alignment, it is more effective to start at the base with the feet, legs, and hips.

Make sure you are stretching your hamstrings and hip flexors. You can strengthen your feet with exercise, and in some cases, you may need to use arch supports.

The spine itself requires motion in three planes: forward and back, side to side, and rotation to each side.

We can also keep our overall flexibility and posture by moving throughout the day. Even if you are resting, change positions from sitting to lying down. When we lie on the floor, gravity can help reduce kyphosis as well.

The final step is to do gentle back strengthening exercises to strengthen evenly from the lower back to upper back and between the shoulder blades. If you do these too soon or too aggressively your low back may complain. Proceed mindfully and gradually.

It’s All Connected!

It’s definitely necessary to do the physical work needed to stretch what’s tight and strengthen what’s weak.

It’s also helpful to examine our daily habits. Are we sitting too much because we’re bored or don’t feel engaged with the world? That’s understandable, but it’s not sustainable.

Kyphosis can also develop as a form of protection. In some ways, we may be hiding from the world, or trying to look small so as not to attract attention.

We may feel burdened and that our load is so heavy that it is bending us forward. Your kyphosis may be purely physical, but I find it helpful to reflect on these questions and see if there is any additional light to shed on the problem.

If you’d like some personalized help with posture, please visit www.choosejoyfulhealth.com and contact Joan for a complimentary consultation.

How do you feel about your posture? Do you have the hunch or did you have it? What are you doing, and what have you done to improve your posture? Please use the comments below to share with our community!

We’re used to seeing Tiffany Haddish change up her hair, going from a sleek bob to a flirty ponytail. This new look is a bit different but just as gorgeous. Haddish shaved her head on Instagram in an almost-27 minute video. She took scissors and went right for her faux-locs. Her friend and hairstylist Precious is in the background having a bit of anxiety but Haddish has no concerns. “They’re acting like this shit isn’t going to grow back,” she says. She notes that she’s been talking about shaving her head for years but everyone has been “blocking it.” Not anymore.

Hairstylist Lacy Redway commented on her support for Haddish, saying “You finally did it!…Hair doesn’t define us and you know we got the wigs on deck if we choose to.” As an actress, that’s of course something Haddish is thinking about as she tells Precious she’s wearing a wig in an upcoming move. So, don’t worry! Once the locs are out, she says: “I look beautiful. I am beautiful.”

Source: Instagram

Haddish comes back online to make another video to respond to critics whose comments she saw or she knows she’s about to see. “Why, when a woman decides, ‘Hey I’m going to cut this hair off because I want to see my scalp,” she got to have a mental problem. Nothing is wrong with my brain,” she says. “I’ve literally been talking about this for years. I want to see my scalp. I know every part of my body, where every single mole is.”

Source: Instagram

Precious helped Haddish clean up her hair with clippers, cutting it close to the scalp. The actress would look good with literally any hairstyle but there’s something especially gorgeous about a shaved head on her. “Just imagine how much time I’m going to save!” she says.

Source: Instagram

Watch all three videos in their entirety to laugh, feel inspired and wish Haddish was your BFF.

Being an Experiential Travel Advisor, I can tell you that business is a little slow right now. So, while I have some downtime, I would like to share with you just what experiential travel is all about.

To put it simply, it is the difference between a traveler and a tourist.

It is having the curiosity and courage to leave behind the confines of resorts and venture out to discover, engage, and learn. It’s about travelers thirsting to understand different cultures, architecture, art, history, cuisine, and life.

A Traveler at Heart

I, just like my clients, like gaining wisdom from meeting and exploring with locals who know their homes better than anyone else.

My husband compares me to Gladys (remember Bewitched?) whereas I am of the mind that I am merely inquisitive.

“Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” —Ibn Battuta

It is impossible for me NOT to travel. There is this persistent voice in the back of my head nagging me to get moving. Life is finite! My father, a career military man, moved the family every few years, and I guess it gets in the blood.

Though I can’t go anywhere right now, I am still travelling albeit through the technology of the Internet.

Over the summer, I am virtually inspecting, touring, and familiarizing myself with small Italian hotels and villas. From centuries old hotels hiding in plain sight in central Rome to quaint seaside village inns languishing on sandy beaches.

You can do this too! Grab your favourite electronic gadget and virtually transport yourself anywhere in the world you hope to find yourself in some day. It is time well spent.

Your mood will instantly change to one of either contentment or excitement. You will forget about this crazy world of ours. The earth is ever evolving – flow with it. Use your imagination!

That Infamous Bucket List

It doesn’t matter what you call your bucket list. Wish List, To Do List, Dream List, Life Goals, Life List – whatever. Participation in events, acts of kindness still undone, interesting people to meet or levels of success yet to be achieved are all bucket list worthy.

Just summoning up the courage to step onto see-through floors such as the Grand Canyon Skywalk, Chicago’s Ledge, or Toronto’s CN Tower, could be on your list.

When I’m reading, I keep a pen and paper handy just in case I need to jot down something that requires my further investigation. Sometimes I even email myself. A couple of apps you might want to try are Evernote or Pocket.

Can I share with you a few of my bucket list ideas? Some have already been checked off but many more are still tapping their feet impatiently in my imagination’s waiting room:

• Race the daily tide so as not to get caught on Holy Island when the sea takes over the road;
• pluck a banana from a tree in New Zealand;
• come nose to tusk with a narwhal;
• ride a camel in the Sahara Desert;
• bite into a real Montreal smoked sandwich at the famous Schwartz’s Deli;
• gaze upon the multitude of shipwrecks on the perilous Skeleton Coast and ponder what deadly fates brought them to rest on this desolate beach;
• plant my boot firmly on an Antarctic iceberg;
• rescue a dozen abused or neglected animals;
• raise an enormous beer glass at Munich’s Octoberfest;
• rent a mountain cabin for the whole family;
• cruise the Norwegian fjords stopping in tiny ports to deliver supplies;
• walk along Northern Ireland’s Giant’s Causeway;
• party the night away at the Montreux Jazz Festival;
• feel a Tahitian breeze on my face;
• have an intimate dinner with a famous person (yup, Henry Mancini);
• sail on a gulet in Greece and cruise the Nile;
• hot air balloon over Turkey;
• float down the Zambezi River at sunset with Katherine Hepburn holding my hand;
• circumnavigate Vancouver Island on a Can-Am Spyder;
• golf where alligators stroll across the greens;
• learn to play the piano;
• learn to speak Spanish.

Did you jot anything down for further investigation?

2020 A.D. Will Pass

There is one thing you should exercise every day and that is your imagination! So, what’s on your list? Is there an infamous murderer’s grave you would like to visit?

Maybe brave some Whitewater rafting with the family; tour Russian palaces rather than castles; learn to speak French; float on the Dead Sea; golf St Andrews; work for an animal rescue for a week locally or internationally; tour a famous cemetery with the local clergy; have tea with your favourite writer at the Killer Women Festival of Crime Writing, Covent Garden; or maybe holiday at a dude ranch.

“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.” —William Arthur Ward

No one saw 2020 coming. But it can give us time to pause, sort out what is and is not important to us, and make a new Bucket List. Maybe it is time to take Grandma and Grandpa on a luxurious train trip to discover their roots. As Dr. Seuss once said, “Oh, the places you’ll go!”

What travel destinations are on your bucket list? Have you visited them virtually to make your future plans? What have you jotted down for future investigation while reading this article? Have you found a handy list app that works for you? I’d really like to know, so please jot it down below!

We’re used to seeing Tiffany Haddish change up her hair, going from a sleek bob to a flirty ponytail. This new look is a bit different but just as gorgeous. Haddish shaved her head on Instagram in an almost-27 minute video. She took scissors and went right for her faux-locs. Her friend and hairstylist Precious is in the background having a bit of anxiety but Haddish has no concerns. “They’re acting like this shit isn’t going to grow back,” she says. She notes that she’s been talking about shaving her head for years but everyone has been “blocking it.” Not anymore.

Hairstylist Lacy Redway commented on her support for Haddish, saying “You finally did it!…Hair doesn’t define us and you know we got the wigs on deck if we choose to.” As an actress, that’s of course something Haddish is thinking about as she tells Precious she’s wearing a wig in an upcoming move. So, don’t worry! Once the locs are out, she says: “I look beautiful. I am beautiful.”

Source: Instagram

Haddish comes back online to make another video to respond to critics whose comments she saw or she knows she’s about to see. “Why, when a woman decides, ‘Hey I’m going to cut this hair off because I want to see my scalp,” she got to have a mental problem. Nothing is wrong with my brain,” she says. “I’ve literally been talking about this for years. I want to see my scalp. I know every part of my body, where every single mole is.”

Source: Instagram

Precious helped Haddish clean up her hair with clippers, cutting it close to the scalp. The actress would look good with literally any hairstyle but there’s something especially gorgeous about a shaved head on her. “Just imagine how much time I’m going to save!” she says.

Source: Instagram

Watch all three videos in their entirety to laugh, feel inspired and wish Haddish was your BFF.