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Originally posted at: Paige DeSorbo’s Black Long Sleeve Cardigan

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Best of Summer House Season 10 Fashion and Beauty Finds

Ariana Madix’s Turquoise Mesh Dotted Turtleneck and Pants

Summer House Season 10 Reunion Looks

Ariana Madix’s Black Cutout Gown on The Love Island Season 8 Premiere

Amanda Batula’s Season 10 Reunion Look

Amanda Batula’s Brown Confessional Top

Lindsay Hubbard’s Grey Crewneck Cardigan

Madison LeCroy’s Barrel Leg Jeans

Amanda Batula’s Light Blue Striped T Shirt

Jo-Ellen Tiberi’s Green Fringe Crochet Mini Dress

Lindsay Hubbard’s Army Green Cargo Pants

Liz McGraw’s Pink Floral Corset and Pants

Amanda Batula’s Chunky Stone Necklace

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Jacket with Lindsay

Amanda Batula’s Army Green “Raincoat” with Kyle

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Pocket Front Jacket and Ripped Jeans

Amanda Batula’s Black and Polka Dot Maxi Dress at the In The City Premiere Party

Georgina Ferzli’s Navy Blue Sheer Dress

Ciara Miller’s Navy Blue Pajama Set

Kelsey Swanson’s White Varsity Sweater

Amanda Batula’s Navy Blue Lounge Cardigan and Pants

Lindsay Hubbard’s Green Striped Maxi Dress

Liz McGraw’s Red Light Face Wand

Amanda Batula’s Red Long Sleeve Ruffle Dress

Originally posted at: Kelsey Swanson’s Colorful Sequin Mini Dress

The other morning, I found myself listening to a song I hadn’t heard in quite a while. It was “Monsters” by James Blunt.

Back in the Day

The first time I heard that song years ago, it hit me like a freight train. Something about the sadness in the lyrics, the emotion in his voice, and the video itself would bring me to tears every time.

What struck me most was the scene of him sitting beside his father. He wasn’t sobbing. He wasn’t putting on a dramatic performance. His eyes were simply filled with tears, and somehow that made it even more powerful. You could feel the sadness without a word being spoken.

The strange thing is that I never had the kind of relationship with my father that the song seems to portray. In fact, our relationship was complicated – and tumultuous might be a better word. Yet every time I heard that song, it still reached inside me and touched something deep.

The other day the song appeared again, and a thought crossed my mind.

I Wondered How It Would Affect Me Now

Years had passed since I first heard it. Life had happened. More memories had been made. More people had come and gone. More miles had been traveled.

So I listened.

The tears didn’t come the way they once did. The sadness was still there, but it had changed. And that got me thinking about something many of us discover if we live long enough.

Grief changes.

Not all at once. Not on a schedule. Not in a straight line.

But it changes.

As I sat there listening, another thought occurred to me.

We’ve all heard an older person tell a heartbroken teenager, “You’ll get over it.”

Maybe it’s a 16-year-old girl whose first boyfriend just broke up with her. She’s crying in her room, convinced the world has ended. An older parent or grandparent tries to comfort her and says those familiar words.

“You’ll get over it.”

To the teenager, those words can almost sound insulting.

“No, I won’t.”

And in that moment, she believes it with all her heart.

The interesting thing is that neither person is wrong.

The young girl is experiencing genuine heartbreak. The pain is real. It may very well be the deepest emotional wound she has ever felt.

But the older person has something the younger doesn’t have yet.

Lifelong Experience

Not because they’re wiser or stronger, but because they’ve lived long enough to watch grief, disappointment, heartbreak, and loss change shape over the years.

The teenager cannot imagine a day when that pain won’t be sitting in the center of her life.

The older person knows that day will come. Not because the memory disappears. Not because the experience wasn’t important. But because time has a way of softening the sharp edges of our sorrow.

The same thing happens throughout our lives.

A broken heart.

A lost friendship.

The death of a parent.

The loss of a spouse.

In the beginning, each one can feel unbearable.

Yet years later, we often find ourselves remembering those same people and experiences with a smile instead of a tear.

The pain doesn’t vanish.

It transforms.

And Perhaps That’s One of Life’s Greatest Mysteries

When we’re young, we believe our feelings are permanent. When we’re older, we understand that feelings are travelers.

They arrive. They stay for a while. And if we give them enough time, they often leave us with something entirely different than what they brought.

Perhaps that’s why listening to “Monsters” again surprised me.

The song hadn’t changed. The words hadn’t changed. The performance hadn’t changed.

I had.

Years ago, the song would bring me to tears almost every time I heard it. Not because my relationship with my father mirrored the story in the song. It didn’t. Yet something about the emotion in it found a place inside me that responded.

This time was different.

The sadness was still there. But it was no longer standing alone. It had been joined by gratitude, memory, appreciation, and even a little laughter.

I realized I wasn’t thinking about loss anymore. I was thinking about the people and experiences that made the memories worth having in the first place.

The Gifts of Growing Older

Maybe that’s one of the unexpected gifts of growing older.

When we’re young, we live inside our feelings. We believe they’ll last forever. As we age, we begin to see that feelings change, even when the memories don’t.

The people we lose never stop being important to us. But eventually, they stop being defined by the day we lost them and become defined by the years we shared with them.

The tears don’t necessarily disappear. They simply learn how to share space with a smile.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Is there a life-defining moment from your past that you can look at today from a different perspective? What story can you share the summons both tears and a smile at the same time?

Photo + Info: Bravo TV

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Top Posts

Best of Summer House Season 10 Fashion and Beauty Finds

Ariana Madix’s Turquoise Mesh Dotted Turtleneck and Pants

Summer House Season 10 Reunion Looks

Ariana Madix’s Black Cutout Gown on The Love Island Season 8 Premiere

Amanda Batula’s Season 10 Reunion Look

Amanda Batula’s Brown Confessional Top

Lindsay Hubbard’s Grey Crewneck Cardigan

Madison LeCroy’s Barrel Leg Jeans

Amanda Batula’s Light Blue Striped T Shirt

Jo-Ellen Tiberi’s Green Fringe Crochet Mini Dress

Lindsay Hubbard’s Army Green Cargo Pants

Liz McGraw’s Pink Floral Corset and Pants

Amanda Batula’s Chunky Stone Necklace

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Jacket with Lindsay

Amanda Batula’s Army Green “Raincoat” with Kyle

Amanda Batula’s Brown Suede Pocket Front Jacket and Ripped Jeans

Amanda Batula’s Black and Polka Dot Maxi Dress at the In The City Premiere Party

Georgina Ferzli’s Navy Blue Sheer Dress

Ciara Miller’s Navy Blue Pajama Set

Kelsey Swanson’s White Varsity Sweater

Amanda Batula’s Navy Blue Lounge Cardigan and Pants

Lindsay Hubbard’s Green Striped Maxi Dress

Liz McGraw’s Red Light Face Wand

Amanda Batula’s Red Long Sleeve Ruffle Dress

Originally posted at: Liz McGraw’s Season 1 Reunion Look

A woman once told me something that has stayed with me ever since. She said: “I know I’m okay on paper. I just don’t always feel okay.”

At first, I thought she was describing a financial problem. But she wasn’t. She had retirement savings. She owned her home. She had Social Security income and no major debt.

By most measures, she was financially secure.

Yet she still worried.

She still wondered whether she would have enough. She still hesitated before spending money on herself. And she still found herself lying awake occasionally thinking about the future.

The more we talked, the more I realized something important: Being safe and feeling safe are not always the same thing.

When the Numbers Say One Thing and Your Heart Says Another

Many women spend decades doing exactly what they were taught to do.

• They work hard.
• They save.
• They avoid unnecessary debt.
• They prepare for retirement.

Then retirement arrives, and something unexpected happens. The habits that helped create financial security don’t automatically create peace of mind. In fact, some of the same instincts that helped us save and prepare can make it difficult to relax and enjoy what we’ve built.

We become so accustomed to protecting our future that we struggle to trust it.

“Financial security lives in the numbers. Peace of mind lives in the heart.”

Why Feeling Safe Can Be Harder

The challenge is that retirement comes with uncertainties that no spreadsheet can completely eliminate.

None of us knows exactly how long we’ll live.

None of us knows what future healthcare needs may arise.

None of us knows what the economy will do next year – or 10 years from now.

So even when the facts are reassuring, our minds sometimes continue searching for potential problems.

It’s not because we’re doing something wrong. It’s because uncertainty can be uncomfortable. And retirement introduces a great deal of uncertainty.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Sometimes feeling unsafe has less to do with money and more to do with the stories we’ve carried for years.

Perhaps you grew up during a time when money was tight.

Perhaps you watched your parents struggle financially.

Perhaps you’ve experienced a divorce, job loss, illness, or other unexpected setback.

Experiences like these can leave lasting impressions.

Even when circumstances improve, those old fears sometimes remain.

The numbers change.

The feelings don’t always keep up.

A Reader’s Question

Not long ago, a reader asked: “How do I know when I can stop worrying?”

I thought about that question for quite a while. Because I don’t think the goal is to eliminate worry completely. The goal may be learning to recognize when worry is no longer helping us.

There comes a point when caution serves us well. And there comes a point when caution quietly becomes fear. Understanding the difference can be life-changing.

Building Confidence, Not Certainty

One of the most comforting realizations in retirement is that confidence doesn’t come from certainty. It comes from trust.

Trust in the planning you’ve done.

Trust in the decisions you’ve made.

Trust in your ability to adapt if circumstances change.

Most retirees who successfully navigate challenges don’t do so because they predicted everything perfectly.

They do so because they’ve developed resilience, flexibility, and perspective.

Those qualities are every bit as valuable as financial resources.

Giving Yourself Permission

Sometimes the hardest part of retirement isn’t saving enough. It’s giving yourself permission to believe you’ve done enough.

• Permission to enjoy a dinner out.
• Permission to take the trip.
• Permission to make the home improvement.
• Permission to use some of the resources you spent years building.

For many women, that’s a much bigger adjustment than they ever expected.

Final Thoughts

Being safe and feeling safe are two different experiences. One comes from preparation. The other comes from confidence. The good news is that confidence can grow.

It grows when we acknowledge our fears without letting them control us. It grows when we recognize how much we’ve already accomplished. And it grows when we begin to trust ourselves as much as we trust the numbers.

Because retirement isn’t simply about creating financial security. It’s about creating the peace of mind to enjoy it.

Share Your Thoughts:

When you think about it, does being safe and feeling safe overlap in your life? In which areas do you struggle to equate one to the other?